I did a live radio show for the the AAP’s Healthy Children radio show last week.
Click the above link if you’d like to take a listen or below for individual segments (each about 15 minutes).
My favorite part of the first interview is when I mention magic. Of course, the hard work of raising young kids is simply so worth it. We get so much more than we give. Nothing about this is easy of course, and nothing about this static, either. Take a listen and let me know if what you think.
Work-Life-Balance Issues for Working Parents
Breast Feeding, Working, and Being a Working Moms
Footer
Katie says
It does feel like a War sometimes, doesn’t it? But I think instead of the Mommy War, it should be called the Mommy War With Herself, because I think that’s when the war really starts. There have been times when I feel 100% sure that being at home is the right thing for me and our family, and then comments others make to me just roll off of my back. However, there have been many times, especially recently, when I find myself wondering if we’ve made the right choice, and then things that people say really get under my skin.
I think my greatest fear as a stay at home mom is that I won’t be able to get back into the workforce when my children are older. I am doing what I can right now (maintaining my professional contacts and doing freelance work from home) to keep my skill sets sharp, but it’s still a gamble. So when the host said that she thinks that kids will see their working moms as strong, smart, involved mom that are “smart enough to be out there working” and who are good role models, it was one of those remarks that gets under my skin. I do worry about the message I am sending my kids and I hope that I am also able to show them that I am strong, smart, and involved in contributing to society. Even now in my role as a stay at home mom, I strive to show them these things, but I still to worry about what they will think of me someday.
But these feelings that I get, these emotional reactions, they aren’t really about what she says to me, they are more about the insecurities, fears, and indecision that I have as a parent. I have these same fears when it comes to getting my baby to sleep (am I doing it the “right” way?), supplementing with formula (and feeling guilty as she sucks down a bottle), and disciplining my toddler (am I too strict or not strict enough?). Every step of the way, we make choices that other people will judge and comment on, and it’s finding our own confidence and ability to feel good about these decisions.
As you’ve said before, sometimes there are no “right” decisions and what is “right” will change and evolve as my family changes and evolves. At the end of the day, I think my children are lucky to have me as a mom, not because I stay home, but because I love them with all of my heart and live each day doing the best I can to do the best for them. I know you do the same and that your children are equally fortunate to have you as their mom.
Viki says
Dang, it Katie, I wasn’t going to comment for a change! But the line you quoted made me wince. Not all moms (and dads) are in exactly the spot they would prefer with respect to their family life. We tried both of us working, dad home, mom home… all have different trade offs for the stage of the family and parents’ careers. Your kids could as easily resent your absence as feel pride at your accomplishments. Certainly not all moms and dads have “smart” jobs. My parents didn’t! I appreciated their sacrifice and hard work.
In any case, there is an economist whose work I follow who has written about fertility timing and also timing career breaks:
https://www.virginia.edu/economics/Workshops/papers/miller/fertilitytiming_july_2008.pdf
Most professions can weather a well-timed career break. Heck, my husband’s not only weathered it, but accelerated his career because in addition to freelancing, he had time to learn about things that interested him in his profession. Lots of good can come from the time you have now.
Viki says
MamaDoc, liked the line about magic. Also liked the line that balance is dynamic and what works changes. Not sure I understood the comment about the ethics of contributing to society…Certainly professional traning doesn’t compell one to practice the profession? Also, it seems like I’m surrounded by doctors (our ped, our family doc, my former OB) who took breaks or worked only enough to maintain connections/certifications. I wouldn’t fault you if you turned Michael Chriton on us. 😉
StumptownMom says
Thanks MamaDoc for a great discussion on breastfeeding and balancing work. I teach breastfeeding classes and often hear from pregnant mamas that they are concerned about how to manage continuing to breastfeed (and following the recommendations of the AAP and WHO) with working.
I pumped at work for a long time and it did take a village — the ability to schedule breaks, pump while away from the office at meetings or conferences, the support of colleagues and even strangers. And it was hard work to pump, clean up, manage the “math” as you say.
But I hear such resignation from some moms as they try to envision how it might work for them. Especially doctors who often feel they have little or no control over their schedule and no support from their colleagues (yes, it’s true, I hear this a lot!).
I wonder how we can better support moms in preparing and working with their employers??