Most babies wake up at night. And although some superhero babies sleep 10-12 hours straight starting around 3-4 months of age, most infants wake up during the night and cry out for their parents. There are scientific reasons and some developmental and behavioral explanations for these awakenings. I spoke with my friend Dr Maida Chen, a pediatric pulmonologist, mother to three, and director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Center to put a list together regarding why babies do this. Leave questions and comments below if we can explain more. I’ll author a follow-up blog on ways you can help your baby when they wake up, too.
10 Reasons Babies Wake Up At Night:
- Sleep Cycle: Babies wake up during the night primarily because their brain waves shift and change cycles as they move from REM (rapid eye movement) sleep to other stages of non-REM sleep. The different wave patterns our brains make during certain periods define these sleep cycles or “stages” of sleep. As babies move from one stage of sleep to another during the night, they transition. In that transition, many babies will awaken. Sometimes they call out or cry. Sometimes they wake hungry. It’s normal for babies (and adults) to wake 4-5 times a night during these times of transition. However, most adults wake up and then fall back to sleep so rapidly that we rarely remember the awakening. At 4 months of age, many parents notice awakenings after a first chunk of deeper sleep. This is normal, and often due to development of delta wave sleep (deep sleep). The trick for parents is to do less and less as each month of infancy unfolds during these awakenings; we want to help our babies self-soothe more and more independently (without our help) during these awakenings so that sleeping through the night becomes a reality.
- Brain Waves: The majority of babies are really capable of sleeping for a prolonged 6+ hour period of time 1/2 way through infancy, around 6 months. As Dr Chen explains, “When doing sleep studies we follow brain wave activity.” After 6 months of age she says, “We see brain waves at 6 months of age and up that are similar in pattern to that of adults.” Now that doesn’t mean that babies that wake throughout the night have abnormal brain waves, but it does mean as they progress through infancy, they get more and more mature when it comes to sleep. Dr Chen says, “If you look at sleep studies on newborns and infants, they will look very different compared to older children. But by 6 months of age, the baby’s brain wave patterns will look much like an 18 year-olds.” That being said, once some babies are awakened during transitions, they may call out for your help unlike an 18 year-old!
- “Good Sleepers” Versus “Bad Sleepers”: Some babies are just better sleepers right out of the gate. Dr Chen reminded me, “There are good sleepers and there are bad sleepers. Part of that is organically hard-wired. But there are also good sleepers with bad habits.” Our job as parents is to do the best we can in creating good sleep habits. Most of that has to do with consistency from one night to the next. Some babies make habitual associations like always nursing to sleep, always being rocked to sleep, or always being held to fall asleep. Then, when they have awakenings at night, they may cry out to have those associations (bottle, nursing, or rocking to sleep) to get back to sleep. These associations can cause a good sleeper to have bad sleep, because of the habit.
- Crying Is Part Of Being A Baby: There is a pretty serious ongoing debate and national dialogue between parents, psychologists, pediatricians, lactation consultants, and scientists about letting babies cry-it-out versus not cry-it out. I’ll not delve into much of the debate here, but if you’re worried that letting your baby cry-it-out will damage them, try to relax. Dr Chen says, “We don’t think that some crying is bad for a baby. The evidence to support long-term damage from crying at night is nil.” Many pediatricians recommend letting your baby gradually learn to self-soothe or cry-it-out once they have self-soothing skills (turning over, sucking on fingers or hand, and more mobility) starting somewhere around 4-6 months of age.
- Mom or Dad’s Role At Night: Studies have evaluated how parents can change an infant’s sleep. Studies have found that infant sleep disorders are affected by how many times a parent comforts them at night. The more parents camp out (remain in the room until baby is asleep), the more parents transfer the baby into the crib after asleep, and the more they picked the baby up at night, the more likely the baby has sleep challenges. And although most studies have evaluated a mother’s role in overnight awakenings, a 2010 Tel Aviv study found that when fathers were more involved in infant care (day and night), in addition to mothers, their babies had fewer overnight awakenings. Take turns!
- Development: Developmental milestones shift and change sleep. As described in the video, after 4 months of age most babies have a prolonged period of sleep and then wake up every couple of hours because of sleep cycle changes. Sometimes they will wake up and roll over and then freak out and cry when they get stuck or move into a new position. The rolling milestone may translate into awakenings. At 6 months of age, babies are exploring the world, putting all sorts of objects and germs in their mouths, and subject to more infection. They’re also learning to sit at 6 months of age and this milestones often triggers awakenings. At 9 months of age babies learn how to pull themselves up in the crib and stand-up– don’t be surprised if they are awake more. Most parents are unpleasantly surprised to find their 9 month old up and awake in the middle of the night standing up ready to rock and roll.
- Teething: There’s no question that teething wakes children at night and disrupts sleep. Teething typically commences around 6 months of age but I hear about teething waking babies all the way through their toddlerhood. Acetaminophen is the only medication I recommend for teething.
- Behavioral Changes: Many babies will have more frequent awakenings around 6 or 9 months of age due to advancing sense of independence and self-awareness. At 6 months of age, I often hear from parents their babies will wake up in the middle of the night and start talking, just go through their different sounds. No need to go to them if they are not fussing! When babies develop separation anxiety around 9 months of age, they will often change their sleep patterns. Often during those times of behavior change they will wake and scream out when they realize you’re not at their side.
- Infection: Infants and children typically have an upswing in infections after 6 months of age. This occurs primarily because once a baby reaches 6 months, they are capable of putting lots of new objects (including their hands) in their mouths so their exposure to germs increases dramatically. Many babies who have colds or upper respiratory infections will wake due to congestion or coughing. Fever, vomiting, and diarrhea will awaken babies at night, too. Hang on and support your baby with a little TLC. Sleep schedules typically go back to normal within a few weeks after the illness began especially if you can keep up good sleep routines.
- Pacifiers/Bottle: Many babies are conditioned to fall asleep (or fall back to sleep) while sucking on something. This starts just after birth when newborns instantly fall asleep with breastfeeding or a bottle in their mouth. Many infants who use a pacifier will wake up between 6-12 months of age when the pacifier falls out. The easiest solution is to get rid of it all together! But remember, big habits die hard, if a baby learns to fall asleep sucking and does so for 6+ months, it can take awhile to unlearn the habit…
Pam Enser says
My first daughter was a horrible sleeper but responded wonderfully to sleep training around 5/6 months. She is now a fantastic sleeper. My second daughter, now 9 months, has been a better sleeper, but when I tried working with her to fall asleep on her own in bed, even with me right beside her, she got so upset crying, she threw up. I’ve found her to have a very sensitive gag reflex and throws up when she gets really upset. How can I encourage her to fall asleep on her own without having to worry about this piece?
Tracey says
My baby was waking every 1-2hrs, and I had to nurse or rock back to sleep. I had a baby sleep consultant help me and it was the BEST MONEY EVER SPENT!!! DD puts herself to sleep now and sleep about 11hrs a night. I highly recommend her, (violetsleepbabysleep.com) she is amazing, trust me you won’t regret it, at least ask if that’s normal at that age, my LO was almost 5mos!
Kristina Madison says
There is actually a LOT of research showing the dangers of “sleep training” (choking, like the parent above, being one of many) and while it may be hard to find some on long term (due to lack of research and difficulty) there are trends and just theoretical implications one could make based off development and of course all of the research on babies who are not sleep trained (and instead are parented through attachment, trust-building, or baby led methods) and their awesome outcomes. Please do more research and be aware of your biases when presenting information to parents. It only took my baby throwing up once for me to realize crying so hard to cause this was not ok, helpful, nor could be best for her or me. I am glad I chose to parent my children in a way that built trust and am not surprised it resulted in very trusting, emotionally secure, and independent individuals (like research shows). Sure, eventually sleep trained babies will shut down and be “better sleepers” because they have learned mom or dad will not comfort them anymore…but at what cost? And do we really want our kids to learn that, especially at this age?
Tracey S. says
Did you read the part where she says she’s not getting into
the debate and that “gradual” sleep training has been shown to have
some merit? Of course if your kid cries so hard they throw up but
not every kid does that and parents need to use common sense. The
two parents I know who refuse to let their kids cry for longer than
3 seconds have 5 year olds who still have to have their backs
rubbed to go to sleep and the parents resent it but at 5 it’s all
the kids know. Dr.Swanson is not saying let your baby cry it out
but is saying going in the second your baby cries may lead them to
become dependent on you to get back to sleep.
Melissa says
I wonder 2 years down the road if your daughter is sleeping in your bed ( i bet your relationship with your spouse is not the best) babies were made to cry withn reason or else they wouldn’t know how. Use common sence as a parent geese
Nicole says
That’s a bit judgemental to mention the relationship she has with her hisband. U shld probably keep those snide comments to yourself , Melissa.
Nataliya says
Well said Kristina! My baby almost 7 month, for the last month she start to wake up every hour. I’m comforting her, and help back to sleep. It’s a little annoying in my evening hours be enterupted so often that I can’t finish even to do dishes, but I know this time will fly by, and soon she will sleep ALL through the night. They are babies for such a short period of time and better relax and enjoy!
Bogdan Petroianu says
I’m with you, Kristina. We’re raising human beings, not lab rats.
Andrew Hauman says
Your comment is full of bias.
Pina Fietta says
The best that parents can do to help their children is just that, their best. The FACT that no research exists to support the idea that crying will somehow “damage” a child is because no such evidence exists. Each parent should take their own child’s specific needs into consideration without worry of having to be shamed by those who are led by their own emotions (ie their own displeasure at hearing their baby crying) rather than by evidence, or lack their of. We sleep trained our son when he was six months old after deciding, based on his behaviour when he woke, that his waking had nothing to do with hunger, distress, illness or discomfort. He just wanted to play, every hour all night long. Fast forward nine years and we have a healthy, happy, self-confident, very smart boy who loves life, loves his parents and knows VERY WELL that he is adored by us. He’s also a fantastic sleeper and has been since he was 6 months old! Please let’s avoid shaming and/or insinuating that one family’s methods are wrong or bad simply because they do not match up with our own biases (ironic that this term should pop up again) or parenting styles.
sabrina says
I hear ya Kristina! I had a tough time with my first and that was 8 years ago. I tried sleep training but it felt wrong for me to not comfort him. Looking back I guess I had an attachment parenting style and I wouldn’t change that for the world. That was my choice as a parent and I won’t judge others for letting their babies cry it out. I think your tough for doing it but maybe your babies are better for it….who knows. I will say this….3 kids later and 8 years later….all 3 sleep just fine. In fact after 1 years old….they slept soundly and have no sleep problems. And guess what…..Yeah my marriage was challenged throughout those years….but it’s amazing now. Its just the trials you should expect to go through when you start a family. If it’s not sleep deprivation that will challenge your relationship call, it’ll be a difference of discipline opinions or food choices for your child Etc. I’m writing this because I feel wiser today…8 years later. When I was a new Mom, I used to read all these posts in desperation for my son to sleep. I would beat myself up about not being able to let him cry it out and all the repercussions that would happen because I wasn’t teaching him how to self-soothe. It all turned out just fine and it will for all of us. Some of us will get less sleep than others… But it comes down to doing what you feel comfortable with and like another poster said doing the best that you can as a parent. Good luck to you all!
Abi says
Well said
Paul Wenthold says
Doesn’t everybody wake up during the night? I tend to think that sleeping completely through the night is far more rare than waking a time or two. As adults, it’s not that we don’t wake during the night, it’s that we go back to sleep on our own quietly.
I never worried about getting the kids to sleep through the night, only in getting them to the point of if they did wake up, to go back to sleep. That always seemed more important to me.
Kathy in WA says
I think the key word you and Dr. Chen used several times is “gradual”. Most parents I know who have tried the CIO method want very quick results and in my view, have unrealistic (and not very gradual) expectations for their babies. I also had a quick-to-throw-up-when-crying babies, so we did not use CIO. I think if parents remind themselves that babies (or in some cases toddlers!) aren’t small insomniacs forever, and eventually sleep will happen, it’s much less stressful for all involved. Being a sleep-deprived mom of a baby/toddler was a short time in my life, if only just a few years ago, and I actually miss it sometimes 😉 (So easy for me to say this since I don’t have babies waking up anymore!)
Craig Canapari MD says
Love this article, especially the article on the importance of fathers, and the statement that some kids are good sleepers and some are not. That is the truth.
Jessie says
I’m hoping someone can help us, or offer advice. Our daughter is 5-months old and has been sleeping through the night from about 5-weeks. It started out being about 12am-6am and gradually shifted to 10pm-8am. She is a great sleeper and we are so lucky. But I nurse her to sleep every night. She’ll fall sleep eating, and I wait until I know she’s really asleep before transferring her to her crib.
It seems like everything I’ve read lately says to not let them do this for too long and they need to learn to fall asleep on their own. But if she’s sleeping through the night now, do we need to change this routine and potentially upset her great sleeping pattern?
Also, she won’t take a pacifier, and will fall asleep during the day without nursing (so it’s not the only thing that will put her to sleep).
We are afraid we’re getting into a routine that is going to be difficult to get out of later, but why change something if it’s working? Help!
Erika Henry says
I might have a helpful tip for you. My son also wouldn’t
take a binky and insisted on falling asleep while nursing. At
around 5 months (I think) I’d wait till he fell asleep nursing,
then slip the binky in his mouth. To my surprise, it worked like a
charm. Mind you, I’ve now got a 20 month old who won’t go to sleep
without his binky, but our pediatrician says to not even bother
taking it away until something like 2.5 or 3 years old when we can
actually talk to him about it. I hope that’s useful!
MK says
Can you recommend a type/brand of binky that worked better than others?
Thank you!
Nadine says
I see this is an old post, but thought I would reply in case it’s relevant to someone else. I experienced the identical scenario with my first daughter and she continues to be an awesome sleeper- falling asleep in her own by 20 months.
When she was 19 months old I had our second daughter and attempted tandem feeding at night. After two weeks I couldn’t take it anymore and my oldest had one last breastfeed and we said goodbye to that chapter in our relationship. We still read and snuggle at bedtime (usually her Dad since I’m taking care of the other one), but she says when she’s tired, rolls over and falls asleep.
So for her, BF to sleep wasn’t an issue for her to learn to sleep on her own. Bedtime is rarely a struggle.
But our second is the exact opposite and requires frequent consoling throughout the night (currently at 8 months)and I’m trying to figure it out. I’ve been unlatching her just before she falls asleep during the night to slowly wean her from needing my breast for comfort.
But I think we all need to remember that every kid is different as is every family. If you do what feels right and works for you (and are flexible and don’t hold high expectations for things to go as planned) everyone will eventually get a good nights rest.
Melissa says
Hi Nadine,
I have the same with my 71/2 month old. I’m just wondering if you’ve had any success in helping your LO sleep a bit better at night?
If so any techniques or advise you may have would be greatly appreciated if you don’t mind sharing.
Thank you
Melissa 🙂
Rilla says
Love this article, thank you! I have a 5 month old who since birth will only nap for 30-45 minutes. Only twice has she ever napped longer. But she sleeps great at night (8 or 9pm until 6am) so I’m grateful for that! I’ve read so many blogs on sleep and have tried everything, but no such luck. I’d LOVE it if you did an article on naptime sleep, thanks!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Thanks, Rilla. Will try to address that soon!
lauramich says
Do you have any recommendations for an infant (almost 6 months) who will not fall asleep or stay asleep unless held? He has been like this since the night he was born. If we try the “put him down drowsy but awake” advice, he will become alert and then cry—and scream—until we pick him up. A few weeks ago I tried “camping out” by his crib, stroking and singing to him, while he cried and screamed for 40 minutes. In the end, my husband and I couldn’t take it; we picked him up and he fell asleep after settling down from the screaming. So my husband (who is a SAHD) holds him for naps during the day; I bedshare with him at night, holding him in my arms while sleeping as well as I can. But for so many reasons, this is unsustainable and we would really like to get him sleeping in his “big boy crib”—but without the sturm und drang, and without him feeling like we are abandoning him and he can’t trust us.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Well, I think it’s a huge challenge. And I certainly have helped numerous parents in the same position as you.
Gradually, you really do want to help teach your son to learn to fall asleep outside of your arms. (Obviously…I know you know this). Since “cold turkey” isn’t going to work, my suggestion is you gradually take away the things you do for him as he is falling asleep. And gradually transfer the responsibility of falling asleep onto him alone.
Camping out can be a potential solution but perhaps down the road.
Think about what other things are soothing for your son?
Does he fall asleep in the stroller or while you’re in the car?
What else happens just before naps and nighttime sleep?
Are there other rituals you have at bedtime that work? If so, keep those up and keep them strict and gradually during the day, think about doing less holding before sleep and gradually replacing them with the other soothing things for him.
Keep trying to put him down, in the crib, on his own. DON’T GIVE up. Perhaps try for a certain amount of times a day for a certain amount of time. STICK to trying each and every day. It doesn’t have to be 40 minutes.
The longer you keep holding, the more developed the habit becomes. And that’s not bad if you are willing to keep this up. But if you really want to make the change and you really want him to do this on his own, you’ll have to give him a chance to learn to self-soothe on his own.
Make a goal for each week and do your best. If you goal adjusts or you put it on hold for a few months, that’s all fine as well. Good luck!
Sarah E says
My son is 17 months old and has always been a great sleeper. He is an early riser but for the most I don’t mind because I am too. (apparently since I was little according to my dad). He hasn’t had night time feedings since he was about 9 months. He had given up his pacifer when he was 15 months and did well, only needing it intermittently when he was teething or sick. When he was done with it, he would throw it out of his crib or when he fell asleep he would eventually spit it out. He has always put himself to sleep, we have a bedtime routine and he goes to sleep within 15-20 mintues of a set bedtime everynight usually at 8pm. He only takes 1 nap at daycare from 12:30-2pm everyday. He recently started waking up in the middle of night 2 or 3 am screaming,when I finally went into his room, (realizing he wasn’t going to go back to bed), he was asking for a “baba”. I would get him some milk in a sippy cup, he would drink it and then go back to bed with no fuss. We just went on vacation and he needed the pacifer almost every night to stay asleep, we gave in since it was different surroundings and there was a large group of us so different noises at night. There was only twice he woke up asking for the “baba”.(those nights he didn’t eat enough at dinner) When we got home, he gave up the pacifer after 1 night of “crying it out” but the night time “baba” requests are back. I have tried giving him water and he freaks out. He will simply drink the milk and go back to bed. I have always anticipated a wake up when he doesn’t eat enough at dinner but that has not been the case for the last 3 nights. My husband wants to let him “cry it out” and I am not sure what to do. I am not genuinely convinced he is hungry but once his belly is full he is out like a light again. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
Charlotta westergren says
Hello.
Our son is 5 months old. Up till 3 weeks ago he was sleeping on his stomach. He has learned to turn over and gets stuck on his back and screams and screams. We have tried everything and eventually felt we had no choice but to let him cry it out. We would turn him and he would immediately turn himself onto his back. Then i just woke up with him every time, but it just became more frequent till it was every 45 minutes.
Now it seems like he is still not sleeping well. I’m afraid the cry it out has only made him stop crying but stay awake. In the morning to feed him- he eats and passes out for a few more hours. He does not appear to be a well rested baby.
We aren’t sure what to do. He is sleeping in a mini crib now as we have a tiny baby room. Should we get a full size crib- would this help him to fun over?
We would very much like some advice. Thanks
Neena S says
Hi Charlotta,
I am paroozing the internet looking for answers on how to help my 6month old go back to sleep at night after rolling onto his back. I just wondered if you found any solutions for your little one and wouldn’t mind sharing some advice. Thanks!!
summer says
did you ever do the folllow up blog on how to help them once they wake? Going through sleep training and he’s rolling over and screaming and cant get back to his position.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Great idea! I should do this for certain. Thanks for idea — will put it on the list.
Grace says
My baby boy is almost 8 months. All I do everyday is read sleep training blogs and other sites online. I think this is one of the better ones so thanks for that.
He is sleeping through night. Wakes occasionally but will typically go back to sleep after a few minutes. Not bad considering he was at my bedside up until one month ago. A mistake not to put him in crib in his own. My rookie mistake.
What I am finding is a bigger challenge is napping in the day.
He wakes at 5am I am working on 6 am as a goal (for now). It was suggested to move his nap later. Right!? I struggle with his nap so this suggestion is not a fix for us.
He gets 12 hours mostly at night. Sometimes he sleeps 5:30 to 5:30 or 6 to 6pm and normally he won’t wake in night. BUT in day morning nap is an hour when I try for next nap it’s usually an hour later after first nap (using sleep cues as a guide) trouble is the next nap is half hour or less
Subsequently if I get another nap out of him it too is only half hour whether it’s on crib or car or pram.
Any suggestions to correct this are welcome.
Many thanks.
Gavin’s mum
Summer Ostlund says
My son is 11 months and sleeps very well, but does wake up once a night and seems so upset. I’ve let him cry and tried other ways of soothing him but he just screams until I give him a bottle and then he goes right back to sleep and sleeps the rest of the night. He seems starving to me. Is he going to need to eat in the middle of the night til he is 18? Ha ha! Do some babies still need one feeding in the middle of the night at this age? We put him down during the day without a bottle or rocking or anything, so I figure he does know how to fall asleep by himself and that eventually he won’t be so hungry in the middle of the night.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
I think some babies are really used to feeding at night after doing it for 11 months. 🙂 So I’m sure in some ways, if he scarves down the whole bottle, he is accustomed to it and hungry for it.
Suggestions in this scenario typically include gradually reducing the number of ounces you feed your baby at night over the next month or so and then once you’re only giving an ounce or 2 then to switch out milk for water.
And no — no bottles until 18 years old — promise!
Stephanie S says
What a great post on sleep! I’ve been searching everywhere for more information on how to help my 18 month old daughter go back to bed and this post has been very helpful! My daughter has been a good sleeper since she was 3 months old sleeping from 8pm until 7am (but a horrible napper until she got older and we dropped to one nap a day… Maybe a good topic for another blog post). But starting at around 6 months, she would “wake up” (eyes shut, but crying) and after a few minutes of this, my husband or I would have to go in and put a pacifier in her mouth and hurry out of her room. This was an almost nightly occurrence and would happen anywhere from 2 to 6 times a night starting at around midnight. Now, she has started this separation anxiety thing, where she wakes up, stands up in her crib, and screams until one of us goes in there, and then she says, ” All done!” I’ve learned it’s probably separation anxiety and have started going in after a few minutes, telling her it’s still bedtime, laying her back down, and then leaving her room. She will usually be calm until I leave then she will start the screaming over again. I started gradually letting her cry it out and she eventually started learning to self soothe and go back to bed. The crying it out would only last 10-20 min before she would lay back down and go to sleep again. I have been worrying about her sleeping issues for awhile now, and even had one pediatrician give her antacid meds for months, and also suggest we see a sleep specialist. But now after reading your post, it seems like a pretty common thing for babies and parents to experience. I was worried about the CIO method because my daughter has 30% subglottic stenosis and tracheomalaysia and didn’t want to do another trip to the ER because her airway swelled up. Question: If your child has mild respiratory issues like mine, are there other methods to help with the sleeping while still teaching your child to self soothe and return to sleeping on his/her own? I hope what I’ve been doing this whole time is the best thing to do.
Thanks again for discussing a great topic!
-Stephanie
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Stephanie,
Thanks for your comment. In general I would say this: you don’t ever have to use CIO. In many ways, what you want most is consistency and ongoing work to help support your daughter in learning to self-soothe. I would work on making a really consistent bedtime schedule that is graduated — meaning, work on mapping out goals by week for the next couple months that would gradually have you doing less and less for your daughter. In regards to your concerns about resp issues and your sleep plan I would direct you to her pulmonologist or a sleep expert (most often they are pulmnologists by training) as well so that you can have the reassurance you need in making choices as you go forward creating a graduated schedule for helping improve your daughters autonomy and sleep skills!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Also — here’s a post with a ton of comments on toddler sleep — the comments and responses may be of use:
https://www.wendysueswanson.com/toddler-sleep-4-reasons-toddlers-wake-up-at-night/
Kristy says
I have a happy 10 month old daughter. Shes currently is a short napper during the day, napping around 20-35min twice a day. She wakes 2-3 times a night since she was born, some nights even more. I nurse her to sleep and some times put her down partly awake each time. She is becoming increasingly difficult to get to sleep and I’m exhausted. I’m concerned also that she does not eat a lot of solids. She eats around 2 oz of solid food a day and mainly nurses. She is very healthy weight but just won’t eat. Iv tried home made, bottled and finger food, feeding her what we are eating ect. I’m worried she wakes so much to nurse at night as she is topping up to sustain her growing nutritional requirements. I’m back to work soon and worrie it will only get wores as she will not take a bottle. Any advice would be helpfull. I’m not ok with CIO method, but will let her fuss.
Joymarie says
Hi Kristy,
You are the first person to completely describe my child. She is 10 months now. Mainly breast feeds and barely eats any solids. So constantly hungry. Wakes up to feed so many times. Did you ever figure it out?? Any advice tips. Please share.
Christine says
I have a 14 mo old boy who wakes up screaming multiple times a night, and does not soothe easily at night (continues screaming and “fighting” while we rock, sing, etc). He slept through the night from about 6 weeks until about 3 months and then started waking, and he has since. He is breastfed, but I have mostly weaned him and haven’t nursed at night in a couple of months.
He is baby #4. My first three were\are excellent sleepers, and we have followed the same good habits as previous (routine, consistency, ability to put self to sleep). He is able to put himself to sleep at bedtine and will sleep fine until 12 or 1. It all goes downhill from there. Naps take a little while to get him down, but then he is okay and sleeps fine.
It is very frustrating, because all I can find\ receive is the “he needs to learn to self soothe” advice (because he would not take a pacifier, lovey, etc). I truly don’t believe that’s the issue. He can put himself to sleep. Do you have any specific suggestions I can recommend to his pediatrician to check for?
Also, I need to add that I have tried to watch him for sleep apnea signs with no evidence obvious to me, and he is just a little guy who has been watched for weight gain issues and digestive issues (which seemed to resolve around 11 months). He was tested for cystic fibrosis and was negative. Other than weight, and former digestive issues, he is very healthy and right on or advanced developmentally.
Any guidance in possible overlooked issues would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
christina says
My 6 mths up till a week ago was a great sleeper. Has a normal bedtime routine, has since 2mths. We all got a cold for about a week and are now recovering. My son refuses to sleep longer then 30-45 min every night since. He is recovered from the cold and is teething but we use the tablets and they were working wonderfully. But now he wont sleep in his crib only in my arms or his swing. Im feel almost delirious, as I’m writing this its 5amish and hes finally been asleep for an hour. He has been eating his food just fine but has had a hard time drinking his bottle. That has been going for 2 days. He only drinks about 3oz at a time. I apologize for my wording but im so tired. I dont know what to do. Should I just keep up our routine and just hope this passes or is it possibly serious?
Lindsey says
I have a 8.5 month old who has never been a good sleeper. We did CIO at 6 months for falling asleep at bedtime. However I still nursed her for several minutes when she woke 1-2 times a night. She always went right back to sleep. For the past week she has been waking up at 2am and crying until I give in and go see her and then she wants to play for the next 2 hours. I try not to pick her up but just soothe by her crib but she just stands and sits babbling until I lay her down and cries with eyes wide open. I tired cry it out at 2am but she went for an hour plus with no end in sight. Do I leave her to cry for 2 hours?? Is this a phase? She does not nap well 20-30 mins 2-3 times a day. I am worried she is not getting enough sleep to be a healthy developing baby. Should I work on a very regimented nap schedule to help night sleeping?
Susy parente says
Dear Lindsey , I feel your loosing hope and that your not trusting your natural mommy instinct. First thing I suggest is don’t ever do the cio method again! Trust your mommy instincts and respond to your little one sooner. If she wakes up crying and u let her cry without responding to her needs, this will only aggrivate her more in my opinion and will seek more attention… for sure she’s gonna wanna play for the next two hours cause she’s been crying for so long she’s now awake! To all the moms out there: Don’t panic when your baby wakes up or doesn’t sleep as well as he or she did a few months ago.there brain is on overload cause they learn new things everyday and that’s what disturbs there sleep.sometimes there not well and sometimes they need to know we are there for them… Children are not robots or soldiers and can’t be “trained” and we should stop wanting them to be and act Always the same,FOR THEY ARE NOT ROBOTS OR SOLDIERS! Always put yourself in there place,would you like it if you cried for help and no one came!? The way I see it is that they are people just like us but with little experience of what life is like. So do we really expect a little person that’s only been around for 8.5 months to understand and know everything we know? I guess what I’m trying to say is be patient with your baby and tell yourself that he will go through changes cause he’s only human. Please don’t let others confuse you with those strict rules and “how to’s”. In the end your the only one who understands your baby and know what’s best for him before anyone else,trust youself. All babies are different, some will go through the night at 2 month but then will give there parents a hard time at a later stage and others will be difficult at first but then later be amazing sleepers. Same goes for everything else they go through. Give your baby love,affection and patience and without a doubt your baby will respond to that and will go to sleep eventually. Don’t implicate or replace love for rules,and don’t underestimate hugs, coddles and affection cause that you can never give to much of. If you give hugs,coddle and affection to your baby during the day and she’s a happy baby then why shouldn’t you do the same at night. I really hope you understand what I’m trying to say and that you don’t misunderstand me. Basically what I’m trying to say is that nature or god (whatever you believe in) gave you the ability to take care of a baby and the no one thing is mother instinct witch no one else can reproduce and nursing witch no one else can reproduce either. Nursing your baby to sleep is such a natural and great way to soothe baby, yet they all want us to stop what’s been naturally the best way to put baby to sleep since the beginning of time. Ultimately your baby is a baby a short period of time and in the end we are not having children to accommodate our needs and life style but the other way around. Unfortunately babies don’t sleep and we all knew it before we had them, so rather then panicking everytime they go through a sleep regression (witch there programed to do) and try to implicate a strict method on them, how about we try and understand that they need us to be THERE for them and to see them through there regression. Call me crazy but isn’t that what you would want if you would be going through a hard time?. Look, I know it’s hard cause I’m a mom too, but I think and I really believe that in the end what I’m trying to create and raze is a good and loving sensitive to others kind of a person. By creating these strict roles on babies we are pushing them away from that. Think about it,there crying for US and we don’t show up to conform them at all. Makes u think, who are we really accommodating by using sleep methods… Lindsey you are a great mom and don’t forget to tell yourself that. Keep up the good work and I know you know what’s best but I hope you see my way of thinking isn’t that crazy and you cant get a horrible child cause you gave him love and affection. In the 70’they would say don’t pick up your kid when he cries cause you will spoil him, that make me crazy but also makes me realize you can’t do everything you hear or read cause rules change all the time. How can u spoil a person by loving them, or are they not people? This is why I stopped listening to all these rules and methods, my baby is a baby a short period of time and he will learn to sleep by himself just like he learns to turn over, smile,laugh,point, crawl,walk ect. They do all those things without us teaching them so they will learn to sleep when there ready as well. Also,If we are there to catch them when they start to learn to walk why shouldn’t we catch them when they’re learning how to sleep.hope your little one feel better and I can’t wait to hear from you.
Margarita says
Dear Susy, your thorough response resonated with me and I wanted to thank you for it. In modern society many times we are chastisized for doing what God and nature intended we do with our children. We need to be reminded that God has equipped us mothers to feed and nurture our babies and that it is ok to do so.Thank you & God bless you.
Karen says
I am curious why you ONLY recommend Acetaminophen for teething. As a pediatrician, I will recommend Acetaminophen until the age of 6 months when I have parents use Ibuprofen which has a much safer profile and better anti-inflammatory properties. Great article on sleep- a favorite topic for my families of infants from 4-9 months for sure!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Hi Karen,
Acetaminophen caries the lowest risk profile. Back in 2004, this study found risks fairly similar for both meds (and somewhat better anti-fever effect with ibuprofen): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15184213
That being said, because teething doesn’t cause fever (over 101) and because it’s a developmental process not medical problem, I recommend acetaminophen since it doesn’t carry the risk of changing blood clotting and/or stomach upset that ibuprofen rarely can.
Hope says
Christina it will pass. I do recommend placing him in the crib sleepy but not asleep. We did with our first son and he eventually got a hang of it. Learning from my first experience my 5 month old is almost ready for sleep training yet he keeps waking up crying in the middle of the night for more milk. Unfortunately I give in so he doesn’t wake my toddler up. When I place him in the crib he does cry before bedtime so with the white noise on with the sound of ocean waves, I place my hand on his cheek and ear while his binky is in his mouth and he just automatically stops crying and dozes off. Other times I let him cry with binky in his mouth and he falls asleep. They have to learn to self soothe. Eventually all this will pass and you will look back and laugh at all these stressful moments we all have. P.s. Just think when you are up at night, so are a million other parents 🙂
Badi (Father) says
Hello Everyone,
I think I might be the only father on this forum, but I’m desparate. My wife and I are blessed with our 10 month old boy, and ever since day 1, we’ve been having sleep problems. Nothing seems to work, and I really mean that we’ve tried everything. Recently, we decided to stop breast feeding (I know it’s a bit early), and to teach our boy to feed from the bottle. His sleeping improved such that he would sleep for three hours at night, and then wake up every hour or two. However, our joy was shortlived, and for the past couple of days, he is back to waking up every 30 to 45 minutes. He’s been teething since he was about three months old, so we suspected that might be the issue. Our main request is not just identyfing the problem, but how to handle it since I am really worried about my wife since she isn’t gettng the sleep that she needs (I am a light sleeper so I can handle it). Any help you can provide me with would be greatly appreciated.
Kids Nook says
We made a big mistake with our first born son and taught him that that he basically needed to breastfeed every time he was going to sleep. This meant him waking up all through the night, every 1-2 hours for months. When he was 8 months old we conducted a detailed cry it out method and after three days he was sleeping like a baby (lol). My wife wrote an article about it called Every child can learn to sleep.
Emily Langford says
Hi can some one help me am a new mum at night my 4 mouth old wakes up at night but some times I don’t get up I don’t know what to do
Jessica says
My son is four months old and he has been able to fall aslseep on his own in his crib during the nap time and night time without any rocking or feeding. However, it has been two weeks that he would wake up after an hour or two hours deep sleep and crying not because of hunger every night. If I don’t hold him for a little bit or comfort him soon, he would either be fully awake or takes one hour crying to fall back to sleep. Is this problem related to the brain wave you wrote about? What are you suggestions? As you said baby will develop better sleeping habits when parents are less involved in helping them to learn to go back to sleep. What can we do in this matter?
Julia Campbell says
What about newborns? My newborn baby is completely healthy, 10 pounds and gaining weight steadily. He can go without a bottle for 3 hour stretches in the day, but wakes up every hour between 1 am – 6 AM to eat at night. His long stretch of sleep is usually from 7 AM – 11 PM. He only eats a small amount when he wakes up but screams until he gets the bottle – he won’t take a pacified, rocking won’t help, etc. Are we creating a bad habit by giving it to him every hour in the middle of the night? Or is just so young that he will grow out of it? HELP!
Dorothy Grindlay says
I am desperate, since birth my daughter did not like to be rocked, she would scream her head off, so much so, that we had several drs visits to no avail. She would only go to sleep if she nursed…from birth, she refused bottles, pacifiers etc. To make things worse, she got her first tooth 2 days shy of 4 months and has gotten 2 teeth per month since then. Over the last month I think she is getting molars, because she complains during meal times and wakes ever 45 minutes to 2 hours, at the moment every 45 minutes. She was able to stand at 8 months and is cruising. It feels like everything happens at once and if I try to let her cry for intermittent lengthening periods of time she gets more and more upset until she is shaking and histerical. She does NOT eventually fall asleep and I am not willing to let her cry for hours at a stretch, we once drove for 2 hours (she was not hungry or wet), but it was around bed time and she screamed for all of the 2 hours in the car without settling even a little bit. I am incredibly sleep deprived and I work, I am desperate and no idea what to do. My son was not like this at all, he slept badly, but at least I could soothe him with rocking and I let him CIO and it worked for him, but she is not having any of it!
carla says
#5 Is absolutely untrue, misleading, and a downright irresponsible insinuation. Mothers/Father’s consoling their babies HELPS them to LEARN to self-soothe. Self-soothing is a developmental milestone, aided by the loving, attentive care from parents. For an MD to insinuate that this causes sleep challenges (without referencing studies or literature to back it up) is completely and utterly irresponsible. This article is frankly, baloney.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
What claim were you hoping we shared a link for data in #5? That teaching babies to self-soothe (by letting them learn from experience) helps sleep duration and over-night awakenings? Something else? We would be happy to do so, Carla.
vinu says
My baby is 11 months old .she was a good sleeper till 10 months .wake up only once for feeding. But recently she started waking up every couple of hours for a feed and go back to sleep immediately .would you please help me why sudden change in her behavior.I don’t want to try CIO but how long it takes her to sleep long strectes without feeding ..please advice me
Prabhjot Bernard says
Hi my baby girl is 8 month old and she is a great sleeper(10pm to 8am) and sleeps well in her crib.But, she has to be held to be put to sleep. She does take soother while falling asleep but spits it out when fast asleep. I have tried putting her down in her crib drowsy but she screams until we pick her up. She needs to learn to put herself down for the night. Please help!
Raii says
Hi
My baby just turned 5 months, up until two weeks ago she was sleeping 4-5 hrs in a night she would wake around 12-1am for a feed and then around 4-5am and then wake up for the day by 7.30.
Lately it’s been a nightmare she wakes up every 2 hrs, sometime an Hr after I help her to sleep. She uses a paci and I tap her lightly till she’s drowsy.
At night she screams when I try to do any of that so I end up rocking her to sleep. Last night she was awake for a good two hours.
Her daytime naps last only 40 mins and when she wakes if I do rock her immediately then she would sleep another 40mins. She has 2-3 naps a day and we have a bedtime routine for her as well.
Any insight on what I am doing wrong would be helpful
Tori Y. says
Hi
Raii I’m in the same boat. My 3.5 month old is an awful napper. He will only nap for 45 min. Sometimes I can get him back to sleep for another 30-40 but it doesn’t happen very often. sometimes he wakes crying and the only thing to calm him is if I feed him (only breastfed.) I hold him pretty much every nap so I can put his paci back in and sush him when he wakes at 45 min. If he naps in the crib, by the time I can get to him he’s wide awake. I know holding him is a sleep prop but he’s so fussy if he doesn’t get good naps in. During the night he will usually sleep from 6:30-12:30 and wake for a feeding. After that it’s a guessing game when he will wake again. He started sleeping through the night around 5 weeks and when he hit 3 months (exactly) he wakes all through the night. is it too early to sleep train? ( he’s also teething)
Nataliya says
My baby almost 7 month, for the last month she start to wake up every hour. I’m comforting her, and help back to sleep. It’s a little annoying in my evening hours be enterupted so often that I can’t finish even to do dishes, but I know this time will fly by, and soon she will sleep ALL through the night. They are babies for such a short period of time and better relax and enjoy!
Traci says
This is a great article! My question is this:
My 15 week old was sleeping 6-7 hour stretches starting around 7 weeks then 2 weeks ago started waking up an hour or so after I put him down and then again every 2-3 hours. I am trying to now keep him on a schedule and get him to bed earlier but that doesn’t seem to help.. not with nights or naps (naps are 30-45 min usually). It seems like it’s the issue of not being able to get back to sleep after the sleep cycle transition. I’ve been doing that shoosh/pat method and trying not to feed him every time he wakes since I know he can go at least 6-7 hours without eating and I am now feeding him when he wakes and not before bed as well as trying to put him down drowsy. I do find fee shoosh/pat method does often help him fall asleep and that seems like a crutch in itself.
So my real question is.. does this regression improve on its own or do I need to let him soothe himself back to sleep? Everything I read says they can’t self soothe until about 4-6 months but it also states the longer you let this go on the harder it is to break. I’m just not sure if I need to break this cycle or if it will end on it’s own.
Thank you!
Heather says
My daughter is 4 months corrected. She’s started waking approximately every three hours at night and requires nursing then her soother to fall back asleep. What do you advise? Thanks
Zeinab says
I was wondering my son is 2 years old and he is still used to waking up every couple of hours to drink milk, its so tiring and if i dnt give him he starts crying like he hasnt been fed for a day, i really wish i can stop this habit but i dnt knw how,, anyone can help me plz? Any advices?
Lisa Weilnau says
Hi my son is 9 months old and seems to be waking up every hour. Bed time is 7/7:30pm and we give him milk, read him a book and rock him. Then put him to sleep in crib drowsy but not asleep and he uaually falls asleep on his own with some shushing. However after a few hours he wakes up and never really falls back asleep. Maybe for 30 min but is then up again. We shush and he falls back asleep but then he’s up in another 30 min. Because of this we have been bringing him into mom n dads bed since we neeed sleep, but now it seems harder to get him back to sleep. Probably because he knows now we will bring him in bed. Please help! How do we get him in a good habit again? It’s not the issue of him falling asleep, it’s staying asleep.
Janessa Ford says
My 7 month old daughter has always been horrible with naps and sleeping at night. She still has to take naps in her swing and she has 3 naps a day if its a good day. The first one 1 1/2- 2 hours, 2nd 1hr max, and 3rd 30 minutes. Then we try to leave a 3 hr gap from her last nap and bedtime. We have to rock her and feed her until she completely passes out in our arms then lay her down. Her longest stretch she will have will be 2 hours and thats only once a night, other then that shes up every 45 minutes to hour. I try soothing her and that doesnt work and try to let her cry it out then shes completely awake and has to be picked up and rocked back to sleep which is normally about 30 minutes. The best weve gotten is to just put her bink back in her mouth or just hold the bottle for her for a few minutes then put the bink in and she will go back to sleep. But we just cannot figure out how to get her to soothe herself back down. We have tried everything. Its very exhausting. The only other thing we havent done completely is let her cry for more then 10 minutes but I just cant stand to listen to that. Im at my wits end and just want some sleep at night.
Mary says
Hey janessa! My 8 month old did the same thing right when she turned 7 months and I asked another mom friend and she told me try everything possible without picking baby up. It’ll take 3-6 days… but go into babes room and rub her back, rub her head, sing softly… anything you can basically think of. I know it’s horrible listening to them cry, but as crappy as it is, it honestly took us 3 days.. 3 longgggg days haha. It is possible though! I hope this helps you! Good luck 🙂
abbie revill says
Hi mary, hope you dont mind me asking, i have a son 4 months hes awake every hour and isnt reallt hungry just feeds for comfort.
The thing i struggle with is, i can leave him to cry and he falls back off but how do you which time is the best time to go into him? How do you know hes not hungry at that hour? How do you know hes not cold? Thats my struggle. Any advice would be really helpful. Thank you
Racial Dcruzz says
New mom question: I’m finding that after about 2 hrs of sleep my newborn seems to transition between active and quiet sleep as quickly as every 5 minutes, when he does finally wake up it is usually with a lot of crying. In this scenario would it be better to get him up when he first starts to rouse? Thanks for the advice and great article!
Jess says
Our 7 month old daughter used to sleep from 6pm-3am, have a change and a bottle and back down until about 7:30am. Then last week she was sleeping through the night 6pm-6:30-7am for about 4 nights straight now all of a sudden she is awake around 11pm for HOURS (she acts almost like it was a nap and she is full of energy just wanting to play and chat). Our routine hasn’t changed at all, how do we get her back on track, or
Is this common for her age (she turned 7 months on the 1st). We always consider her a big question mark, but any advice would we so helpful.
Nichole says
My daughter was a good sleeper up until about two months ago and now she started waking up frequently .. I don’t jump out of bed the second I hear her I will usually give her a minute or two to see if she’s going to cry or not and if she wakes up then I nurse her and put her back to sleep .. I wish she would go back to sleeping the 6 or 7 hours that she was sleeping before but I’m taking it a day at a time and doing the best I can .
Riya Patel says
My 4 month old son was a good sleeper until 3 months of age when he started waking more frequently and now for the last week wakes every 2 hours at night. Before this he slept for 8 to 10 hours straight. He is breastfed and wants to feed to sleep at night when he wakes. He can turn on his side and sucks his hand but will only go back to sleep if fed or rocked. I’m assuming he’s going through the 4 month sleep regression due to all the changes he is going through. will his waking settle down itself or will it continue die to the sleep associations he has developed with feeding and rocking to sleep? do you think it would be beneficial to sleep train at this age as he has some self soothing ability?
JJ says
Hi Riya, I think you should try him sleep train now, instead of feeding everyone how about feeding at alternate wake up. Mine is 8 month old and I went through the same thing like you like it’s just a sleep regression phase when he was 4months . But even now his routine hasn’t changed, its so tiring to wake up every 2hrs in night and it has seem to get worse recently . After 4pm, the 2hrs sleep cycle reduces to 1hr and I have tried everything like shooshing , rocking , pating , changing the routine but nothing seems to work. He stands in his cot and keeps crying until I dosent feed him.Earlier atleast he was settled when my hubby rock him or pat him but as he is growing up he is pretty particular to get a feed to sooth him which is getting difficult for me as he will cry badly and I can’t take help from hubby even when is ready to help. Donno when will sleepless nights end.
Goodnight My Baby says
Well that makes a lot of sense, at the moment its 2am and my son is crying hysterically and I am looking online for solutions. I mean I already got up and picked him up, rocked him, put him in my bed and he is still upset. So I gave him a bottle which quieted him down but when he was finished he tossed the bottle and began to cry again. I don’t know what else to do. I am very tired myself. I feel like he has a separation anxiety problem. Babies sleep pattern change as they age. When he was newborn I used the baby shusher to help him go to sleep. But it doesnt help him from waking up.
Brittany says
I gave an 11 month old and I have tried everything I know to do to make her sleep better at night, but it just is not happening. We keep the same routine every night, but she still wakes up 3+ time a night. I’ve tried the whole cry it out thing and it just does not work with her, she just gets more and more upset. I will say I am guilty of still putting her to bed with a bottle, but unfortunately she will not go to sleep any other way. She will fight you to the bone. I’m in desperate need for help, I’m one tired momma. The crazy thing is I know she can see through the night, because she’s done it several times before, it’s just been a while, I don’t know what else to do. Please help.
Agnes Cain says
Hello
I have an almost 10month old who co sleeps and still wakes 6 to 8 times! I have to go back to work in 3 months and STRESSING. We have a bedtime routine. She naps well. Breastfed plus some solids
I am trying to put her in crib but at night after 30min shes up wanting me and really hard to put her back to crib and im so tired she ends uo back in bed with me.
Im so tired and i feel though she must be tired.
Any advice?
Jessica Markley says
My son is 4 months and has slept thru the night since he was 2 months old. I’m talking 10 hours. I’ll put him down around 830-9 and he’ll sleep till around 630-7. This past couple of weeks he’s learned to roll over onto his stomach. And he’s also been on this new formula. But he’s been waking up almost every night at around 1-2am. Sometimes he’ll go back to sleep on his own and sometimes I’ll have to give him his binky. But sometimes he is unconsolable and the only way to get him back to sleep is to feed him which requires me making a bottle since I don’t breast feed. But then he’s spitting up in the middle of the night and making a mess everywhere. I’m convinced this new formula is what’s making him wake up cuz it’s making him gassy. We used to get the off brand of Similac sensitive and it’s been great but we went to Costco to stock up and we had to get Similac sensitive since they don’t carry the off brand. Well it makes Soo many bubbles he seems to be more gassy than usual. I hate to waste this giant tub of formula cuz money is tight but I hate him waking up screaming. And idk for sure it actually IS caused by the formula. What should I do??
Jayce R says
I heard that there was something called sleep training. It is supposed to help your newborn to get on the right schedule when it comes to sleeping. I want to know if anyone has heard about this.
Blondine says
This was a very interest read. I have a situation that I hope I can find some help for. I have a beautiful Baby girl who just turned 10 months today. She is amazing and started sleeping through the night at 3 months! However @6 months I noticed that she bagan waking once through the night crying for food. As she progresses it got worse, 7 & 8 months she would wake up twice at night, and now she wakes up literally almost every hour starting from 2 am to 7 am.
At first I tried just letting her cry it out. I’m a believer in letting a child self soothe. But she just cries louder and more ardently that I have to get up and pick her up. Sometimes she’ll go back to sleep after she’s in my arms and other times she keeps crying until she gets some food and then goes back to sleep. Even after eating, however, she’ll wake up an hour or so later, crying again to be held.
I have tried sleep training, I don’t rock her to sleep or anything of that nature, I let her go to sleep on her own and in her own bed. This only happens at night. Matter of fact when she wakes up in the morning, after her busy night, she will play and talk(babble) in her crib sometimes for up to an hour without crying until she is tended to. At times she just goes back to sleep on her own. But she won’t do that at night. I have tried not get bing her food when she wakes up and just giving her some water instead. It doesn’t work, she’ll keep crying.
I should also mention that she doesn’t like taking naps. If, and that’s a big if she does take a nap during the day, it’s for 10 to 15 mins and that’s it. Even after being tired out at the park or crawling al around she still take 10 – 14 minute naps. I’m out of ideas and don’t know what to do. Please help!!