We arrived home late in the day Monday from Central America (hence the near silence around here). My family traveled to Costa Rica where we visited my father, old friends, my family’s ecolodge, and had some real honest-to-goodness time together. I remained essentially unplugged for the 10 days (except for a few brief moments online). Wondrous. Life really feels different without an iPhone in my pocket and a diaper in my purse while on the way to preschool. I didn’t have the iconic stethoscope along either. In the absence of routine and my typical tools, I was reminded that travel and how you deal with it is often about perspective. And optimism.
Time brushes your body differently when you’re out of the country, as if it attains a new temperature. Startling news like the shooting rampage in Arizona or the deeper disappointment in Andrew Wakefield hit me differently than I would have expected. Sometimes what we infer really depends on the view. When sitting in a country without an army, surrounded by family and wide open spaces, priorities came into focus, minutia disappeared, the resume of my life diminished in importance, and tragic news penetrated less deeply. For me, travel was a break from responsibility but also a break from the internet, the demands of the constant worry we can feel when taking care of others or bearing witness to the hydrant stream of ideas and news in the (social) media. While I was in Costa Rica, I really felt like a mom. Singularly at times. We were devoid of deadlines and while in the middle of the rain forest, the distance from technology was vast. Big trees, humid thick breeze, and the bazillions of bugs reminded me that there really was a time before my iPhone, Twitter, and e-mail. There can be time that is slow and uninterrupted.
Let me be clear, travel with children isn’t all rosy and relaxed. Travel with children is just that, travel. It’s not technically vacation. There remains little “down-time.” The diapers still get filled, the tantrums remain rampant, the sicknesses can still appear, and the room is usually crammed. And although travel through the eyes of children enlightens, it also exhausts. Which leads me to these 5 things.
5 Truths About Travel With Children:
- Kids Still Get Sick. While I like to blame daycare and/or preschool as the source of our many ailments at home, I must say, this past trip proved my mini-theory wrong. We’ve previously held school liable for the colds, lice, and illnesses our children get but F hadn’t stepped a foot in preschool since the Wednesday before Christmas. And our trip was entirely embedded in illness. We left Seattle New Years Eve when F had a pretty high fever. It lasted nearly 4 days. This was followed by O’s stomach virus (lots of vomiting and diarrhea) the following day. The following morning O then came down with the same virus and fever as his brother. In the 11 days of travel, 9 were highlighted with fever. The kicker? After arriving home, F developed a stomach bug and we spent last night helping him deal with projectile vomit, etc… It’s utterly bizarre that it’s been weeks (!) since we’ve seen health in our home. Even though illness was a an integral part of our adventure, we sincerely felt it sincerely didn’t ruin or tarnish our adventure. A nuisance, yes. The volume of Tylenol we used, remarkable. But the illnesses didn’t slow the boys’ wonder. Their sense of delight in the monkeys, the waves on the beach, their time with an unfamiliar grandfather remained poignant. Promise prevailed. Children really are resilient. My advice? When you travel, pack Tylenol, Advil or other fever reducers (miracle workers). You’ll never be sorry you were prepared.
- People Touch Children: It’s beautiful. Strangers touched my boys every single day while we were away. The adoration was exquisitely welcoming while the personal-space-with-children-formality dissolved at the border. When the boys were infants, I was more of a germ-a-phobe and worked to avoid such encounters by tucking them in (the Moby wrap, Ergo, or Bjorn helped). I admit it; I used a lot of Purell. But as they have grow up and entered the community as members themselves, I’ve backed away from policing germs. Learning genuine, independent skills to connect to others is essential to growing up. Touching and making contact, it turns out, can be a big part of connecting. The boys learned more and more how to greet and respond to strangers. It was valuable; I really felt we were less alone. I’d read an essay recently entitled, Traveling…with a Rock-Star Baby about a similar take on the generosity and delight towards children in Southeast Asia. Children really can function as ambassadors–Being welcomed and acknowledged by strangers urges children to recognize they have a role outside their own family. I am so thankful for all of the attention they received, as they are brighter and more resilient because of it. And yes, I acknowledge that truth number 1 may be a direct result of truth number 2. More Purell next time?
- The Airplane Public Doesn’t Welcome Children: This one is a doosey. We’ve traveled quite a bit with the boys. F took more than 20 flights in his first year so I’ve witnessed the many faces of the public on airplanes. Traveling with infants, daunting but not so challenging if you can get your infant to sleep. The biggest challenge for families often arrives while traveling on airplanes with children between 12-30 months. Toddlers just simply can’t sit still and are not easily entertained. And as global travel continues to get more awkward (less water, higher security screening and rituals, more full flights) it’s becoming exceedingly clear that the public does not welcome families on board. Patience is waning, I suppose. I often tell families in clinic to pass out earplugs, greet the neighbors in the rows and ignore the looks and stares during the screaming. Although I remain hopeful that families will feel welcomed on board, I am reminded of a November New York Times article about Child-less flights. The articles discusses the notion (movement?) to create particular flights banning children. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The NYT reports that 59% of the public would like family sections on airplanes with 20% stating they would prefer child-less flights. Internet, how is this possible?
- Experiences Are More valuable Than Toys: The boys eyes were open the entire time, their beings quieted. This trip was a telling reminder that experiences in new places, with friends and family, are worth every penny and the sacrifices we make to facilitate them. Travel is education. Wonder abounds in the rain forest, in unfamiliar restaurants, and in a truck on a bumpy road. Travel to cultures different that our own expands our childrens’ perspective. Whenever and if ever possible, get out of Dodge.
- Travel Inspires Optimism: An article in Pediatrics published online yesterday highlights the need for optimism. Over 5000 teens were followed starting when they were between 12-14 years of age. They were assessed for their optimistic thinking style and resulting substance abuse, antisocial behaviors and emotional problems. Over a series of years, optimistic thinking was found to be protective against depressive symptoms. Although somewhat intuitive, the findings suggest that instilling and modeling optimism may set your children up for healthier and happier years ahead. Promoting optimism may be an incredible preventative health benefit. Immediately while reading this today, I thought about our travel. Travel, and the challenges presented when out of your typical routine can be a great time to demonstrate optimism (particularly when well rested!). Model and demonstrate your optimism and flexibility with challenge early and often. All it may take is leaving home! Multiple times a day while traveling, we encountered new experiences, food, language, or terrain. Our boys were always initially fearful or dubious. We did a ton of cheering, reassuring and repeating. Fortunately, the fear of the waves faded, fear of many new food was overcome and the fear of flying diminished. New experiences paint a perfect landscape for promoting optimism. Leave home whenever you can. See, it really is about the view.
Sakina Bajowala, M.D. says
Spot on! Traveling with the kids is a joy, but by no means peaceful! It is an excellent teacher. I was fortunate to have traveled extensively as a child- international travel opens minds, builds bridges, and instills in children an appreciation for their many blessings. We have enjoyed sharing these adventures with our boys as well. Thanks for sharing!
Julia says
So far we’ve been very lucky on flights with our daughter (we’ve been on many in her 7 years to visit relatives in New Orleans and AZ) because there have been a lot of other families and we always sit near the back of the plane where people have less high expectations apparently.
We did have one very bad flight when our daughter was 11 months. We were on our way to New Orleans for Christmas and our 2 hour lay-over in Chicago ended up being a 2-day lay-over. We had booked three seats in coach so our daughter could have her own seat in her car seat, but to get out after 2 days they only had 2 seats in first class. Being stuck on our laps for a few hours was not something my daughter liked at that age and she cried and fussed a good portion of the flight. Every time she’d start fussing again after momentarily quieting down the woman sitting behind us would loudly yell, “Goddamnit!!!” Until the flight attendant politely asked her to tone it down and came and apologized to us. It still continued to happen the rest of the flight though with the woman behind us boisterously complaining about how we shouldn’t be on the flight.
Later at the car rental at the airport in New Orleans a man with a heavy French accent came up behind me and whispered, “Goddamnit!” I turned around to him and his family and they introduced themselves as having been on the same flight and laughed and said, “Aren’t some people in the world just awful?” They had come to New Orleans with two toddlers and a newborn all the way from France and it was good to vent a little with them.
I understand wanting it to be quiet on an airplane. But even when I didn’t have kids (and hadn’t planned to ever have kids) I recognized them as an important part of society. It makes me so sad that so many people in our culture are intolerant of children.
Kara Corridan says
I love this. So many good points here. Hope the boys feel better soon!
Sara says
We flew back to Tanzania to visit my husband’s family this summer and spent over 30 hours in the air each way (including an 18 hour flight). It was as bad as expected but we must have had “that” look on out face because no one dared say anything. 🙂 A flight with mostly Africans and an African crew helped. The flight attendants even said “We’ll keep an eye on her, you relax” and they did!
I was amazed when we were there how tolerate and adoring people are to young children (a toddler in our case). Even breastfeeding would get admiring looks and affirmative comments from strangers “Look at that white woman breastfeeding her toddler! How wonderful.” The country itself is full of lots of hazards (disease, cooking fires, holes in the ground, etc) but everyone is looking out for your kid. I guess that is the African method of babyproofing. Every woman in the family wants her to ride on their back and off she goes with them for an hour or more. She may come back with candy and a bottle of fanta but whatever. I was so grateful for the help and for all the patience they had for her busy ways and crazy antics. I can’t wait to go back when she is older.
We always need reminding that experiences really are better than stuff.
Kenneth says
A trick I tried on a recent flight to Hawaii with our nine-month old was to buy the third seat occupant in our row a drink. (I’d have been happy to buy her dinner as well, but she didn’t seem to want any.) She was genuinely surprised and pleased.
I’d like to think that when we got off and she told our little one that he was the “best airplane baby ever”, it reflected only our his outstanding social abilities and calm demeanor, but I bet the little gesture of goodwill didn’t hurt. It will cost 5 or 10 bucks to do this (compare that to the cost of your or their tickets), but you acknowledge to the person sitting next to you that you know they got unlucky, but that you’re willing to go the extra mile to help them make the best of it.
Viki says
My daughter is such a greater traveler. We had two bad flight when she was 12-15 months old because she wasn’t interested in nursing and hard to distract. But at 18 months, she understood we were in the air and really enjoyed travel and the perks and amenities that come with it. My son is constantly on the move and is offended by all efforts to distract him from moving. The only way we cope is take connecting flights so we can nap/snack on the plane and run between gates. I dread putting him on a plane because he always catches the nasty virus du jour. This year we decided to drive across country instead if fly. (I needed my car bc it’s an extended stay.) Despite our best efforts and sanitation and isolation, he got the flu and accompanying brochiolitis. I’d listen to him wheeze and gag on phlegm as we drove, charting the next Children’s hospital on our route. He had his flu shot so he managed to find a strain not in the shot. My daughter and I didn’t get sick. My husband eventually got it from my son and got pneumonia to boot. So much for avoiding air planes and sharing tight quarters with strangers! I’m still trying to figure it out – did that waitress at Red Robin in WI sound a bit congested?
Rebecca says
Timing is everything – I’ve been following your blog for quite some time and as chances would have it, we were in Costa Rica the exact same week! Small world! I left my 22 month son at home, but my brother brought his 21 month old and my 6 year old nephew. It was a huge family trip, full of lots of fun and great memories. Your insight on traveling with kids is spot on! I will have to travel to the midwest in June with a 25 month old and an 8 week old! I couldn’t agree more that most kids really do love traveling, though you’ve felt like you ran a marathon just getting to your final destination!
Melanie says
Just returned from a trip ourselves and I appreciate this post. Traveling with children obviously isn’t the same as the \before kids vacations\, but way more often then not a trip does refuel and refresh a perspective on the everyday trials and tribulations you’d be experiencing at home. No dishes, laundry, or vacuuming!! Come on, it really does feel SO good to take a break from it! Our 3 1/2 year-old-daughter did WAY better than we’d expected after a tough month of changes at home and it provided us with necessary time for our family to have a great time connecting before the next babe joins us in a few months. I will say it is time time to buy a portable DVD player since we don’t have any fancy phones to show movies upon. Lucky they were short flights!