Social media is a part of the majority of our lives. A recent poll found that nearly 80% of mothers (with children under 18) were using social media. And it turns out if you’re over the age of 11 or so and live in the United States, you may be more likely to be involved in social media than an organized sport. As adolescents work to define their identities, they are doing more and more of this “work” online. Adding to the long list of things to talk about in the 15-20 minute check up with your doctor, social media and the use of new media technology is moving closer to the top of the list. It’s obvious but not necessarily instinctive. On a typical day in clinic, I have to ask a patient to put down or turn off their phone to talk with me. Plenty of teenagers think it’s perfectly normal to text or surf while talking with their doctor about birth control or concussions or vitamins or driving. Some parents do, too.
This month, an AAP report was published urging pediatricians to be involved in discussions with families about where we find ourselves with social media. The lead author, Dr Gwenn O’Keefe, wisely explains that social media has moved past being a technology issue and started to become a health issue. I entirely agree; simple math tells us that when we’re spending hours every day existing on social networks, it will inevitably affect our health. As you know, I’m an evangelist of social media for social change. My take is not that social media is all bad for me or for children and families. But it’s not all good, either. Clearly when you capture over 500 million peoples’ attention (Facebook), you’re onto something relevant. Social media really is social and can help plenty of teens connect with peers, improve their technical skills, and augment their communication skills. Yet, of course, like anything in life, when moderation goes out the window, so does the pure benefit. Here’s an outline of the report and rationale of why I believe you, as a parent, should get involved with social media and why it matters.
How Teenagers Use Social Media:
Using social media isn’t just about a minute here or there on Facebook. According to the report, “22% of teens log on to their favorite social media site more than 10 times a day, and more than half of adolescents log on to a social media site more than once a day.” And more? Seventy-five percent of teens have a cell phone with 1/4 of them using their phones for social media and more than 1/2 of them using them to text.
Because teenagers are well…teenagers, they may have limited capacity for self-regulation and they may be uniquely susceptible to peer pressure. They are also uniquely capable of being phenomenal social people. The social environment online can be particularly persuasive, and possibly particularly risky, too. Teens may become so entrenched in online socialization and social networks that they become addicted or deprive themselves of sleep. Or so connected online that they forget to connect offline.
This presents challenges for how your kids use social media. But also, how you do, too. Helping your kids has a lot to do with what you model technology and social media. Helping your child with social media will demand you get online, too. Don’t let your discomfort with technology, your age, or your limited time get in the way of exploring the frontiers your children are mastering and exploring as well. The report reminds us that children’s online lives are an extension of their offline lives. Don’t sign out or miss out of a huge part of your child’s life by casting social media aside.
Benefits of Social Media:
The report details the many benefits of social media for our children:
- Opportunities for community engagement through raising money for charity and volunteering for local events, including political and philanthropic events;
- Enhancement of individual and collective creativity through development and sharing of artistic and musical endeavors;
- Growth of ideas from the creation of blogs, podcasts, videos, and gaming sites;
- expansion of one’s online connections through shared interests to include others from more diverse backgrounds (such communication is an important step for all adolescents and affords the opportunity for respect, tolerance, and increased discourse about personal and global issues); and
- Fostering of one’s individual identity and unique social skills
Further, adolescents are able to use online sources to search for information about health, interact with their doctor privately and confidentially, and they can use their phones to increase medication adherence, obtain better disease understanding and miss fewer appointments! This week for example, I helped a teen put a daily alarm in her phone for her birth control pills. A perfect use of these tools and devices!
Risks of Social Media:
The report also details risks of social media use. They include:
- Cyberbullying–when “digital media is used to falsify, embarrass or provide hostile information about another person.” Current data holds that online bullying is as common as real-life-offline bullying. Ask your child about this. Has this happened to them or a friend? How did it make them feel?
- Sexting–when “sending receiving or forwarding of sexually explicit messages, photographs or images via a cell phone computer or other digital device” occurs. The report notes that 20% of all teens have sent or posted nude or semi-nude photographs or videos of themselves online. Talk to your teen about this risk. Explain that any photo they put online should be considered public. In the wrong hands it could be shared anywhere.
- Facebook Depression–depression that develops when preteen and teens spend a great deal of time on social media and exhibit classical symptoms of depression. My worry is what I mentioned in the video…the idea that if life feels less that perfect offline, do teens go online for refuge? And when they do go online and the experience is less than perfect, does it put them at greater risk?
- Privacy Concerns–preteens and teens may share more information than necessary, lose privacy without knowing it and put themselves in harm’s way. Talk to your children about the privacy settings they have in their networks, and what they can do to protect themselves.
- Lifelong Digital Footprint-everything online is public (ultimately) and everything your children post may remain. Remind them that things they say today could be accessed or read by a college admission officer, a future employer, or a future friend. Remind them that details they share online may be retrievable forever. Show your child examples. Google and search with your children to demonstrate what you can find and the transparency that exists on the internet.
- Advertising–Social media sites advertise products and services. Your teen may not even notice what is being posted; remind them it is there to influence purchasing decisions or behaviors.
Tips To Help Your Family Thrive With Social Media:
- Follow the law regarding minimum age requirements for networks. Most social media sites are allowed only after 13 years of age, without parental supervision under the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act. There are some sites designed for young children. Don’t help your child falsify their identity. I can’t think of a situation in which this would help…
- Evaluate the sites in which your children wish to participate. Join each site along with them, use the tools, fiddle with the privacy, and stay connected as long as your teen does. That way you can speak their “language” and keep up to date about changes and concerns you may have. And changes or challenges your child may have.
- Make rules and curfews for your phones, computers, and tablets, etc to use social networks. Consider a 9pm bedtime for all digital devices so they don’t interfere with sleep and you can re-connect in real life at the end of the day. Commit to turning off phones during meals, and stashing them in the back seat when driving.
- Check in weekly with your children as to how using social media makes them feel. Does your child seem energized and excited when on Facebook? Or do they seem more withdrawn? Are they concerned about their numbers (followers)? Is it hard for your child to stay off these sites? Check in, adapt to your child’s experience and design your rules to support your family’s experiences and challenges.
- Model good behavior. Turn your phone off during dinner. Put your phone “to bed” before you go to sleep. Take holidays from your devices whenever you can.
- Don’t focus on punishing your children for online behavior. Focus on talking about good citizenship, healthy behaviors, and rules that need to adapt or be altered as time unfolds and challenges present themselves.
- Remember to live offline, too! However ridiculous that sounds, get outside every single day, leave the phone at home whenever possible, and remember to encourage your children to spend time in person “IRL” (in real life) with those they love.
What’s your take? You on Facebook, Twitter, or a virtual world? You clearly read a blog; I know that much. Thank you, sincerely…
Shelly says
Great article!! It is amazing how cell phones have changed our culture good and bad! I am very proactive on monitoring the use of cell phones in my household and I have become the “cyber police” to my kids because of it. As a parent I have found that when I monitor and try to help them in changing the behaviors of so much texting and spending time on their phones that they become very negative towards me and I know that I am interfering with their “social time”. I try to enforce guidelines but as my children get older it becomes harder and harder.
I monitor useage during school hours with the wonderful reports that you can get online now from cell phone carriers and have consequences if they use their phones during class time…yes they text in class during teaching time whether they are supposed to or not. Last summer in one month my 15 year old son had over 14,000 text messages in and out of his phone in a month…sometimes sending 3 or more text messages in a minute…
I understand that we live in a world of technology and I hold my life in a very mobile world as well, but how do we teach balance to our children without changing what has become their culture?? I realize you could read this and say “you are the parent, take the phone away” but that isn’t going to solve the problem. They are still going to have to learn to make best choices for themselves and there are ipods, online chatting on the computer, borrowing phones from peers so you can try to “take it away” but you just can’t succeed.
I wonder how this technology will change our young adults moving forward and I fully agree that if their doctor just talked with them about some of these issues it would help in the case of parenting. Nothing will fix it, our kids will use this technology, it is as much a part of how their brains are evolving, but we need to communicate with them as much as we can!
Katie says
My kids are young and it’s easy to control it for now. I have places that I like to check in with daily, but I limit it to nap time when I am not working. It complicates things slightly that I work in SEO and SM for a local Seattle company, but again, I do that work primarily when they are sleeing. I know that this will continue to be a huge issue as they grow. It will become even more important for my husband and I to set a good example then.
My biggest question right now: at what age is it appropriate to get a child their own cell phone or let them have their own Facebook account? I see such young children with both and think “NO WAY!” But then I realize, times have changed and will continue to do so. Your thoughts?
Diane says
@Katie, Facebook states in their terms of service that In order to be eligible to sign up for Facebook, users must be thirteen (13) years of age or older. I think 13 is a fair age for a child to start using Facebook, as long as the parent has discussed safety issues, such as not divulging their address, phone numbers, etc…
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
@Katie,
I agree with Diane–and as I said in the post, many social networking sites follow COPPA and use 13 as an age cut off. I’m certain there are some 13 year-olds who aren’t interested or ready though, too.
Your question about cell phone use is ultimately a personal one. I don’t think cell phones are ever
ecessary. However, many of my patients have them in middle school. It’s likely how you model a cell phone, how you define use, and how you define the purpose for a child having one. I consider cell phones a luxury for children. And we know that brain activity may change when using a cell phone. So there may be harm (yet to be determined) with use. Holding on to the days without one as long as possible seems a great goal. They will likely be attached to devices for the rest of their lives. Avoid the rush. But the age limit? That is ultimately up to you as a parent. Time will tell, yes?
DS says
I’m still in the old-fashioned camp on this topic – yes, I read your absolutely fantastic blog and several others but have never sent a tweet or had a Facebook (or other social media site) account and have no desire to do so. My kids are 10 and 7 – they don’t have email, cell phones, or spend more than 3-4 hours per MONTH on the computer playing individual games (as opposed to interactive games with friends or strangers). This is highly unusual among their peers, but thankfully, they haven’t complained even once.
My husband is the opposite – he has his own blog, twitter feed, Facebook, etc. Hopefully, our very different styles when it comes to this issue will result in some balance with our kids and at least one parent (not me, obviously) who is “social media savvy” enough to keep an eye on the way our kids are interacting in this world.
As an aside, Wendy Sue, I don’t so much fault my teen patients for texting while I’m trying to talk to them – it’s rude, I ask them to stop, but they’re teenagers. On the other hand, when a parent who is worried enough to bring their child to the ER is texting or chatting while I’m talking with them, I sometimes feel like taking their phone straight out of their hands and throwing it out the door.
What’s funny is that if a teen in the ER is texting, I know they’re not feeling too horrible. If they’re feeling too awful even to have their phone next to them on the bed, it’s a clear sign they’re feeling pretty sick.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks, DS. I agree with you. I don’t know if I “fault” teens for texting while seeing me either. The opposite, actually. Sometimes I see it as a coping mechanism (if a patient is there to talk about concerns around STD, ie, they may really get support from those not in the room with them). But ultimately–maybe it’s the middle school teacher in me–part of what I do as their primary care doctor is help them learn how to advocate for themselves, communicate with a doctor, learn to get what they need. Demanding that they turn off the phone is a part of that. Hopefully, making them feel more comfortable forming and engaging in serious conversations about their health, but also demonstrating how REAL and important it can be to ask questions and find out about your body with your doctor. I love seeing adolescents and helping them learn that they get to be the ones healing themselves and keeping themselves safe.
But I also appreciate your comment about sick versus well: “”the cell phone sign?”
Kathy says
As a parent of young kids (6 and almost 3), I am in no hurry to get them “online”. We are in that 20% minority of people who don’t do facebooking, tweeting, or the like. Yes, we have cell phones, but they are not those oh-so-fancy Smart Phones, so we don’t have them constantly in our hand or at our side.
As a professor, I find it horribly distracting to see my university students texting on their phones during class, or using their computers to facebook when they really should have either 1) not bothered to come to class at all, or 2) just close the computer and pay attention the old fashioned way.
I realize we live in the digital age and that if you aren’t telling the world that you just ate at the most fantastic burger joint, everyone will be left hanging. hahaha. But it really seems to have gotten out of hand in many families.
I appreciate you posting this excellent reminder that it is really the true Human Connections that make the most difference — texting, tweeting and other social-media-ing will never beat out talking to your kids/spouses/friends/families face to face
Joe McCarthy says
I hadn’t seen the AAP report before, but I was impressed with its balanced tone (and content) – in the report and your post.
One of the references in the article – and your post – was to a rather controversial article on “Facebook depression”. In the spirit of balanced perspectives, I’d like to recommend the following alternative perspective: Pediatrics Gets it Wrong about ‘Facebook Depression’ by John Grohol at PsychCentral.com … which, of course, is also rather controversial.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks, Joe, for the link and what you point out. I was aware of the controversy and am aware of the criticism of the report and of course, the criticism of the term “Facebook depression.”
Hence why I didn’t spend much time on the term itself, but rather on what we can do as parents when our children are online. That our responsibility is not to point to Facebook as the sole cause of emotional challenges, or even depression, but to help our teens and ourselves for that matter, evaluate how we feel when we go to social networking sites to socialize. If we feel worse when we’re there, it’s time to step away or re-evaluate how to use the tool. Or how frequently we return to it…
THIS IS EXACTLY why it’s such a good idea to use these networks, alongside your children, to experience how it makes you feel and what it holds.
Joe McCarthy says
Another potentially related thought about what you’ve written here – and said/written elsewhere – is a strategy first articulated by hockey star Wayne Gretsky that I’ve seen quoted by Guy Kawasaki and Steve Jobs:
I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.
Jenny says
As a busy working mom, I enjoy using social media (moderately) because it keeps me connected with my friends and family members (many of whom are on Facebook like me and who also have busy schedules with work and family). I also enjoy learning new things through Internet articles and blogs such as this one. While my kids share this enjoyment, my husband and I set very specific rules for them regarding technology.
It concerns me when I hear some parents say that they themselves don’t use technology, have no interest in the Internet, don’t know how Facebook works, etc. Some of them seem to feel that, by modeling this behavior, it will pass on to their kids. While I respect their views, I personally feel that knowledge is power, and if you have no knowledge of the various types of social media out there, you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage when it comes to monitoring and educating your kids on the subject.
I’m not a sports person, but whenever my kids play a new sport, I try to educate myself on the basic rules and plays so I know what they’re doing. It doesn’t require me to be an expert or spend hours studying, but I feel better knowing whether they’re doing something correctly or if there’s something I should be asking the coach about. I also want to be able to cheer for the correct plays to encourage them to do more of those!
To me, this small investment of time in learning about your kids’ interests really pays off, no matter what the activity.