Getting your baby to sleep through the night is a major milestone for baby and for you. If I had to distill down the best sleep advice I’ve ever heard it would be these 4 things:
- Your consistency with the sleep routine is far more important than what method you choose to help get your baby to sleep. The ritual at bedtime (reading, bath, rocking, etc) is one of the most important daily activities you establish for your child from day 1 (or day 30).
- Letting your baby learn to fall asleep all on her own at 1 to 2 months of age will serve you and your child again and again. Research shows that infants and children who are allowed to learn to self-soothe and get themselves to sleep will often be far better sleepers, even as adults. Consider letting your baby learn to self-soothe and “cry it out” in the middle of the night after 4 to 6 months of age.
- If you’re concerned about your baby’s sleep challenges, talk directly with their doc. Recent research found that 1 in 10 children under age 3 has a sleep challenge, and often sleep trouble persists from infancy to toddlerhood.
- Sleep needs to be a priority (for us all). Making sacrifices to support routine bedtimes and sleep routines will always be worth it.
Sarah says
You mention allowing a 1-2 month old learn to fall asleep on her own, but waiting until 4-6 months to allow the baby to “cry it out.” How do you allow the 1-2 month old to learn to fall asleep if she cries when she isn’t held or nursed to sleep?
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
I talk about this at minute marker ~1:30 in the video.
At 1 month of age, I recommend you let your baby fall asleep, when drowsy, on his/her own. The goal here is to not always let your baby fall asleep at the breast, with a bottle in the mouth, or while being rocked. By following your baby’s cues, try to catch them when you know they are ready for a nap. Put them down, in their crib or bassinet on their back and let them drift off to sleep alone, without your touch and movement.
That way, when your baby awakens during the night (normally) they will begin to acquire the skills to self-soothe and get themselves back to sleep without you.
THEN, when they are around 6 months of age, you can let them “cry it out”—they will already have some of the skills to self-soothe so that on their own, they will learn to trust themselves to get back to sleep without you in the middle of the night. And hopefully, you’ll all be closer to a good night of sleep.
Durga says
Just while I was frantically browsing for articles on baby’s sleep patterns, I got a mail about this blog from my baby’s doc! The timing cant be better!!! My 4.5 month old wakes up every 2 hrs at night and wants to sleep beside me. We are using pacifiers and rocking the baby to sleep as she screams if we are not near her while she goes to sleep. Is it okay to let her cry at night at this age? It sure does break my heart to hear her cry though.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
I believe it is okay to let your baby start to learn how to cry herself to sleep and self soothe at this age, although some recommend waiting until 6 months of age.
Infant crying feels/sounds different to all of us. Make a plan that is reasonable to YOU. Maybe start by letting her cry it out for about 15 minutes. If she gets back to sleep, great. If not, go to her.
But the trick is, you should be doing LESS and LESS for your infant at night, not more as the months go on. Don’t go back to more feeding sessions. And as your child starts to show you they are more and more able to self-soothe, you may feel better letting her cry for longer periods of time.
Good luck.
Corey says
My son was only waking up once at night around 3-4:30 am for a feeding then around 4 months he got a fever for 2 days and now wakes up constantly throughout the night, he is now 7 1/2 months old. How can I get him to sleep through the night?
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Corey,
Illness often does change the patterns of sleep, especially during infancy. However, after a few weeks, most children will return back to their typical patterns if given consistency, and a chance to learn to fall back to sleep on their own. You’re in a tough and tricky age of course, as the post suggests, where lots of new milestones are developing and lots of gross motor and verbal changes. Stay consistent from one night to the next. Work to ensure you’re giving your son a chance to practice learning to fall off to sleep on his own. and work towards small steps in the right direction each week. Also, if no better really do talk with your pediatrician–I’m certain they’ll have ideas to help in your specific situation with your son. Good luck!
H. Lopez says
Do you have any sleep advice for toddlers? Our little one was a great sleeper until we went on vacation when he turned one. Prior to vacation, his sleep routine was like clockwork. During our week-long trip, he lost his routine and now cannot sleep on his own. Additionally, he also wakes up during the night and wants company to be able to return to sleep. He is now two years old and we’re doing more now than when he was 10 months.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
H Lopez,
Travel is very disruptive to sleep patterns in infants, toddlers, and young children. Even adults! Do your best to return to your regular schedule and routine. At night, be brief, boring and don’t provide any rewards for being up. No snacks, no lights on, no games, no coming into your bed (if you don’t want your child there). Do you best to explain that it’s sleeping time. I suspect in a week or two, life will return more to the pre-vacation routine.
I’m going to do a post (or two) in the next few weeks about toddler sleep as someone else has asked. So stay tuned!
DJ says
This is such a struggle when you’re going through it, as we are right now with our 4-month old. Our baby has been a champion crier when it comes to naptime and bedtime. Like Sarah, I’ve wondered about how to “put her down awake” as so many books and experts suggest. We never really felt the opportunity. Even as a newborn when we would rock or jiggle her to sleep, she would often hit the crib or bassinet and start to cry. Obviously it’s worse now that she’s older. When I called our pediatrician for advice, they told me she’s too young to cry it out and suggested she might not be ready for that until 9 months or older. Lucky for us, our daughter has done 5-6 hours at a time, so we know that she’s capable, but I feel that slipping away from us as she is waking more often now to eat or maybe to see us? It’s hard to tell. Overall, as first-time parents, we often feel like we’re failing our baby. And since we aren’t sleeping either, it’s really hard to change bad habits or even know how.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
DJ,
You make so many good points. I hope to respond to them all.
You’re right. When you’re in the thick of sleep challenges, life is somewhat miserable. You want desperately to keep your baby happy, you’re entirely exhausted, and everyone’s reserves are thin. I remember very well how entirely deplete I was. So yes, when you’re in the middle of it, it is VERY real.
If you never feel like you have a good opportunity to lay your baby down when he/she is content but not quite asleep, I would try to create those times, or experiment. When your baby is really happy, allow her to be playful, on her own after an hour of alertness and see if over time, she dozes off. If not, hold on and keep waiting for the time that feels right to you. Try next week. Don’t worry if it didn’t happen today.
AND
You point out a huge issue for parents—-so many different opinions about when it is “right” and “safe” and “okay” to cry-it-out. There is very little consensus about the age. Some say 4 months because babies have the ability to regard their hand, put it in their mouth and soothe. By four months, babies are also often able to roll over, re-position themselves and get in more comfortable sleep positions. .But others say 6 months and then your doc says 9 months. This lack of consensus makes us all doubt ourselves. AND IT POINTS OUT THAT THERE IS NO CLEAR SCIENCE to prove that one month is better than another. Only you know if letting your baby cry it out is something that makes sense to you.
AND
Your baby will go through phases. As the sleep cycle changes, her development changes and her personality and character concerns the number of times she awakens all the way to alertness will vary. So what is true today for her habits and awakens will surely shift in 2-3 months.
I sincerely doubt you are failing your child. And I absolutely don’t doubt you feel that way. That’s the torture of parenthood. Our love is so deep and so unconditional, and our experiences with parenting so slim, we feel perfection is always out of reach.
DO THIS
Today, make a plan of how you want to respond to your daughter (doesn’t mean you have to let her cry it out if you don’t want to) but make a specific plan of what you’ll do at night, and for how long. Keep to the plan for 1-2 weeks. See if you feel better. At least you’ll know you’re sticking to your guns and that will mean you really aren’t failing anyone.
Good luck with all!
Rebecca Michi - Children's Sleep Consultant says
Please. please, please take into account your child’s temperament. If your child is ‘high needs’, ‘spirited’, and/or intense cry-it-out will NOT work.
I have worked with families who have let their child cry for 6 hours, they didn’t even then fall asleep, that’s when the parents gave up.
There are so many other sleep training techniques out there, you don’t have to leave them to cry for hours on their own.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
I agree with Rebecca. That’s why keeping in touch with your pediatrician and partner/spouse for support and planning next steps when exhaustion hits is a great idea.
One book I often recommend for babies and parents who don’t like or don’t function in the Cry-it-out model is The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Even if you don’t follow all of her steps, she does a nice job setting the stage for watching your baby’s sleep habits and their schedule and maximizing sleep by following your baby’s cues.
Here’s a concise Q&A with Dr Jodi Mindell as well:
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/sleep/issues/sleep-advice-from-dr-jodi-mindell/
Ann says
Thank you for the support on sleeping. My son is 5 months old and still having a hard time doing a solid stretch beyond 3-4 hours. He also has renal insufficiency, after being diagnosed with kidney failure at 3 weeks old from posterior urethral valves. Long story, short, he is wasting sodium, and therefore, I am concerned that his night time hunger is very real and that I can’t do the ‘cry it out’ method in good conscience. I have Elizabeth Pantley’s book and have been using some methods there to try to get a consistent schedule. I knew this wouldn’t be easy-my older daughter has never been a super sleeper either. I know it gets better eventually, but it’s truly hard to enjoy your children when you are completely ‘deplete.’
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Ann,
It is really hard to enjoy anything in our lives when we’re deplete. It will get easier, as time unfolds, and hopefully as your son’s sleep stretches increase.
Since crying it out doesn’t work for you and your son, your consistency is key. Try to continue to do less and less for him at overnight awakenings. If his feeding turns into more \pacification\ (ie he is just sucking for a minute or two) rather than taking a real feed, then consider stretching out his feeds and providing different comfort from feeds. Until then, it sounds like you will feel best offering a feed at his awakenings!
Try to figure out a way where you could have a scheduled daytime nap, too! Maybe even by having a sitter come or a family member for a 1-2 hour period so you could really rest and be OFF DUTY.
Hang in there!
Julie says
Thsnks for this post! I had the same issue as DJ – our baby would scream every time we laid her down drowsy but awake and every time we put her in her crib. She slept for about 10 hour stretches in her swing (not moving – swing was turned off/stationary the whole time). She would wake in the night and self-soothe so I know she can do it. Now she is 6 mos and we are transitioning to the crib (swing is too small), but she is also learning to crawl and sit up and that’s what she wants to do in bed. I can sometimes get her down the 1st time (tired but awake) but she wakes in the middle of the night and I can’t get her back down in the crib. She just sits right up and cries. Cry it out doesn’t work – she just sits and cries (and sometimes poops!). After 2-3 hours of crying/rocking/nursing/etc in the middle of the night trying to get her back in the crib, I give up and put her in the swing. Any advice? Thanks!!!
Milany says
What do you recommend for a 6 month old with eczema? My son often wakes up at night because he’s scratching his chin and face. He’s just gets so uncomfortable at times.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Milany,
Eczema is a frustrating skin condition and can cause a lot of discomfort (due to itching) at night. First off, try to work with your pediatrician on a plan to decrease eczema flares on his face. Both by making an aggressive emollient (moisturizer) plan and by possibly using prescription ointments to help.
Also, the more children scratch at eczema, the more it itches. So, keep your son’s nails as short and filed as possible and you could consider trying to have him wear socks on his hands/protectors but most 6 month-olds will just pull them off!
Consider weaning from a pacifier if you’re using one. Often children prone to eczema will have a bit of drool dermatitis and flares of eczema around their face where the pacifier rests and keeps the skin in contact with more saliva.
My hope would be that if you can improve the eczema, gradually his sleep duration will improve, too.
Mommyj says
I think rocking your baby to sleep is a very natural thing to do. I think to many times it is recommended to do things against a mothers natural instinct. Laying a baby down and letting them cry?! I think parents and peditricians need to talk abou the different cries their babies have. I’m certain that I will not be rocking my 8 year old to sleep. But I will rock and hold my 9 month old in a quiet dark environment as he fades into dream land. I wish more peditricians would suggest that moms know their babies best and then give several different options for parents to try, such as rocking nd holding your baby and singing to them.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
I think rocking your baby to sleep is instinctive, too. It’s also delicious. I rocked both of my boys sometimes until they were well into their toddler years–and of course, sometimes they fell asleep! I didn’t do it all the time as I wanted them to know how to fall asleep on their own, too. But the rocking was for both of us. And we loved it…
Danielle says
What about toddler sleep? My son CONSISTENTLY gets up SO EARLY (I’m talking like 4:45 a.m.). He goes to bed at 8 p.m. so I really don’t think he’s had enough sleep at that point, especially since he’s melting down by 10 a.m. HOW do we get him to sleep later, even 6:30?!?!? Do we let him cry it out at that point (4:45 a.m.) or is it too late by then?!? He’s almost 2, for reference. his doctor always plays the whole “every baby is different.” I understand that, for sure, but I truly don’t believe a toddler has had enough sleep at 4:45 a.m.
Rebecca Michi - Children's Sleep Consultant says
Danielle,
When does he nap and for how long?
He may need to get up at that time if he catches up on the sleep during the day.
Rebecca Michi – Children’s Sleep Consultant
Danielle says
Rebecca,
He naps at daycare at about noon until 2:00 or 2:15 some days. He goes to bed fairly consistently around 8 p.m. (easily) and is up SOME days around 6:00 a.m., but some WAY, WAY earlier. 🙂
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Hi Danielle,
I agree that every baby is different, but I also agree that 4:45 wake-ups are painful! I am planning on doing a post on toddler sleep and will talk with a sleep expert as well.
For starters, your child may not need as much sleep as another child. And crying it out at 4:45am? It’s certainly worth a try but you may not get anywhere. What is your routine now? Do you intervene and then he goes back to sleep? IF so, then maybe. If he’s up and stays up, I would assume crying it out would only be challenging for you both.
Consider mapping out his total sleep (in 24 hours–including all naps) or a few weeks. If he is having a number of hours of daytime (nap) sleep, you may want to consider moving that during the day and see if it helps. Most babies will get somewhere between 11 to 14 hours total sleep during his age.
I don’t have a lot of great advice for prolonging sleep in the early morning. But will pick a few other brains and get back to you.
Danielle says
Our routine is dinner around 5:30ish, play time, bath at 7, light snack and milk around 7:20ish, books and wind down til bed at 8 p.m. He naps at school around noon for about 2 hours. In the morning, we can’t intervene or he’ll never go back to sleep. AT BEST, he’ll cry for 15 minutes and collapse back asleep for 15-20 minutes but that’s it. We’re TIRED. 🙂 Can’t wait for the post about toddler sleep – I mentioned that a few weeks ago! 🙂
Kimberly says
I am so disappointed to hear you encouraging parents to cry it out at such an early stage and stating that there is a relationship between co-sleeping and SIDS. There is so much debate on this topic, and really both sides of this issue have such valid points. However to see you come down so clearly on this side is just a huge letdown to me as an educator.
SIDS was originally called “crib death”, not because the baby was in bed with the parents, but particularly because the baby was left alone and died alone only to have the parents discover this hours later (and also due to smoke exposure, lack of breastfeeding, and not being put down back to sleep). We work very hard as baby care educators to give parents accurate information on how to sleep safely, however the last stats I received were that 70% of Oregonians admitted to sharing the bed with the baby at some point. (We teach the AAP guidelines on this to everyone, and yet it is still done at an alarmingly high rate. I was just hoping that a NW Ped would be a bit more adaptive than dismissing this and attributing it to SIDS.)
Crying it out is also such a huge topic, and one that has a fair amount of research regarding the attachment parenting philosophy and long term emotional health studies. Not a mention of anything from that realm?
I know this is an emotionally charged topic, and it is one I deal with daily with my students and clients. I just was hoping for more compassion from the baby’s perspective on this topic.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Kimberly, this was by no means a comprehensive post on sleep, rather some tips about infant sleep cycles, ways to help babies sleep through the night for families who are working towards that goal. As you know, you could have an entire blog dedicated to theories and research on sleep. I agree that many families co-sleep despite recommendations. And I am aware of research re: increased success of breast-feeding with co-sleeping, etc. But not all, of course. So please share what you know.
Your disappointment reads like disapproval. And I don’t think we’re as far apart as you think we are. I think we can be mutually compassionate for families struggling with infant sleep and have different takes. My job is to share ideas and what I know from my training and experience as a practicing pediatrician and mom.
Why don’t you share some links re: the research you like about attachment parenting and sleep. I’m certain I (and readers)can learn a ton.
Regarding the survey results about 70% bed-sharing in OR. I do believe that co-sleeping is a risk factor for SIDS. And I certainly know that many patients in and out of the NW don’t take the advice. But population approval doesn’t correspond to safety. I believe in helping families find a convenient separate sleep space for their newborn/infant. Many co-sleepers allow for this and facilitate breast-feeding while providing the safest place for baby.
Kimberly says
Just polled my moms (who are up all night with their babies!) to do some research for me, as I work both days and nights either teaching parents or supporting them at night as a postpartum doula. No one could find any research that connect SIDS and co-sleeping, which was also my experience when I have done this in the past few years.
I thought that perhaps the research was turning up some new connection that I had missed before. Many connections are shown in the SIDS research, such a smoking in the home, formula feeding, and stomach sleeping, but co-sleeping deaths are defined as ‘over-laying’ or ‘suffocation’, not as SIDS. And the co-sleeping deaths were attributed to couch sleeping, sleeping with a non-relative such as a boyfriend, and parents being intoxicated, drugged, or obese.
Dr. James McKenna in the US, and Dr. Helen Ball in the UK, have done some wonderful research on the safety of co-sleeping that seems to be overlooked each year by the AAP, which seems like a disservice to our families who seek the safety of their infants to the extreme.
I agree that we are likely on the same page in wanting to help parents, however I just cringe when a Ped tells parents that co-sleeping and SIDS are related. I just can’t find that research to show them, and I would love to see it provided by the Ped so we can at least discuss something we have evidence for, and not just what people believe OR what people practice. So if you have this research, I would love to see it.
I want to be teaching people what is the safest approach as well as practicing it with our doula clients. This means a lot to me, and to the concerned parents we work with. I would appreciate anything you could provide on this topic as well.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Kimberly,
Some data that finds separate sleeping beds within same room are protective against SIDS & may reduce the risk by 50%:
1) Blair PS, Fleming PJ, Smith IJ, et al. Babies sleeping with parents: case-control study of factors
influencing the risk of the sudden infant death
syndrome. CESDI SUDI Research Group. BMJ.
1999;319(7223):1457–146
2) Carpenter RG, Irgens LM, Blair PS, et al. Sudden unexplained infant death in 20 regions
in Europe: case control study. Lancet. 2004;
363(9404):185–19
3) Mitchell EA, Thompson JMD. Co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS, but sleeping in the
parents’ bedroom lowers it. In: Rognum TO,
ed. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome: New
Trends in the Nineties. Oslo, Norway: Scandinavian University Press; 1995:266 –26
4) Tappin D, Ecob R, Brooke H. Bedsharing,
roomsharing, and sudden infant death syndrome in Scotland: a case control study. J
Pediatr. 2005;147(1):32–3
Amy says
We have a 3 1/2 year old who used to sleep well, now doesn’t want to go to bed or sleep. We have tried reward charts, snacks in the evening to try to help him get sleepy, we haven’t been able to find anything to help.
Any advice?
Thanks!
Heather says
Looking forward to it. We have co-slept with our 3.5 year old (happily) but it is time for him to stay in his bed by himself (hubby and I trade off nights with him) and I am clueless about how to unravel this.
Our son has told us he’ll sleep on his own when he is as big as we are…
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Heather, I think you have two options, you gradually transition him (less hours together in bed, for example). Or you do this cold-turkey.
If you choose the later (which I’m certain seems harsh), the most important thing you do is not slip back on your new plan (don’t give in to crying and jump back in bed with your 3 1/2 year old) as it will take longer and longer to start the new habit. Follow through with what you decide and what you say to your son. Consider getting him a new toy or stuffed animal to have in bed as a transitional sleep toy. Have him only keep it in bed as a comfort.
There is nothing wrong or dangerous about co-sleeping after 12 months of age. Only challenge is what you face–the established pattern and the difficulty in breaking it. So decide together as a family what is best and then make it clear what your expectations are. Best of luck. Many families in my clinic have done this successfully…
Natalie's advocate says
For Milany: Eczema is often caused by food allergies. Is he nursing? On formula? Dairy is the biggest culprit when it comes to food allergies, if he is on a dairy-based formula he may need to switch to something without it, like a hypoallergenic formula. If you are nursing, you can try an elimination diet. My youngest child started getting eczema on his face at around four to five months old and I tried taking dairy out of my diet and it cleared up in a few days, and I got further confirmation on the dairy allergy when I slipped one day while at Starbucks and forgot to tell them to hold the milk in my coffee. Within a day his face was blotchy again. Other common food allergens you could try eliminating are are wheat, soy, nuts, especially peanuts, and corn. It is not easy to do but it is a small sacrifice if your child is more comfortable. https://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/food-sensitivity.html
M. Rudy says
Thank you so much for all your great information! I was hoping to get some advise on napping for my 10 month old. She was never easy to put down and it has only been this month that I finally could put her down drowsy but awake for evening sleep. She just started sleeping 10-12 hour stretches which I am beyond grateful for.! But since she’s been doing that, she has refused to nap in her crib. I know she’s exhausted – she rubs her eyes, gets cranky, starts to drift off while nursing. But the moment I try to put her in her crib she stands up and starts yelling while jumping up and down. At 5 1/2 months I utilized a modified Ferber method that worked like a charm. She never cried more than 10 minutes. But on the advise of my pediatrician I let her cry an hour for naps and she NEVER fell asleep! It was horrible. This went on for days and finally my ped suggested I take her either in the car, stroller or ergo for naps until she get used to the schedule and her body would naturally fall asleep even if I put her in the crib. Well its been a couple weeks of schlepping out twice a day ( and not getting any mommy breaks!). She passes right out on our excursions and has been a well rested and happy baby. Today I went for it and tried putting her back in the crib with no luck. After an hour I took her out of the crib and we went about our day until 2:00. I figured without a morning nap she had to be so tired she would pass out before hitting the crib mattress – nope! Finally I drove her around to end her exhausted misery. Come bedtime she went right to sleep without a peep. At this point I don’t know what to do. I have the same bedtime and naptime routine. I’m so perplexed why she has no problem being put down at night but refuses during the day. I want my baby to be well rested and I also want my shower time back! Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!
Lynette says
I had the same problem with my twins when they were younger, now age 5 and not taking naps, but what is the level of light in the bedroom? Sometimes its easier to go to sleep in the crib when the light is totally blocked, like its night time. Before I saved up for the black out curtains, we put cardboard in the bottom windows to darken the room. Just a thought, good luck!
M. Rudy says
Lynette, you are my hero!!! I really didn’t think that was the issue at all but out of desperation I tried it yesterday. I clipped a fleece blanket to the window just to test it out and it was a miracle! I’ve been fighting with this nap issue for months and I put her down without even a peep. She took two solid naps in her crib yesterday and 2 today. I’m so happy I could cry. THANK YOU for your suggestion!!!
ErikaC says
Sleep has been a nightmare for us with both of our kids. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until 15 months. I felt like I tried everything. I would let her cry it out, only to give up after 5 hours of hearing her cry. I tried the no cry sleep solution for 2 months and it only made it worse. Finally my husband and I took turns sleeping on a blow-up mattress in her room and that seemed to work after a month or so. She’s 3 now and still wakes up during the night 2-3 times per week. Although it’s usually easy to get her back down, it disturbs our sleep as well.
My 7-month old has been sick for the last month. First RSV, then flu, then double ear infection, and now cold, and it has messed up his sleep routine royally. I feel like I take the “lazy” option since I’m just so darned tired and after wake up #2 I just take him to bed with me so we can both actually sleep. I know I am not helping things, but…
When are they old enough to go without feedings during the night? I can’t remember when I stopped nursing my daughter at night. He has done an 8-5 stretch before, so I know he can do it, but when he wakes up he nurses and takes both sides really eating before going back to sleep. Also, I worry about letting him cry it out for 2 reasons…waking up our daughter and then having 2 awake, and also because he starts banging his head against the crib rails and hurting himself, which makes me feel awful.
I know it will get better again, but it seems a long way off…
Kathy says
Sleep discussions are always so interesting and full opinions, aren’t they!?!?!
Have you had many babies/toddlers that gag and vomit incredibly easy, thereby taking the Cry It Out (CIO) option completely off the table? Both of our kids were (and still are) very “easy-gagers” — too much phlegm or nasal congestion –> gag and sometimes vomit. Crying too much –> gag and usually vomit. Seeing someone else (like the sibling) get sick –> vomit. And long car trips on a winding road? Vomit! During their early toddler years, we attempted the CIO method on a few different occasions and only 5 minutes (honestly, we used a timer which was set for 7 minutes and they didn’t even make it that long) of crying resulted in massive tummy troubles and loads of laundry.
So for us, we’ve just dealt with the interruptions during the night, occasional/sporadic bouts of co-sleeping, read the No Cry Sleep Solution (which I also recommend for those wanting an alternative to CIO), etc, etc…for our kids, CIO has never been a real option, but that’s been okay for us.
In my opinion, your advice of “do what works for you and your family” is the best for all. I think some parents get overly obsessed with what The Books say to do, or what “others will think” about sleeping, feeding, discipline, etc, and sometimes you just need to follow those parental instincts. They are there for a reason! Also remembering that “they are only this young for awhile” is helpful to a tired parent — the sleepless nights really don’t last forever. They can’t — as any teenager will demonstrate, the Masters of sleeping.
But I am curious if many kids have this vomiting response to CIO, or perhaps our kids are just especially vomit-prone. Thanks Dr. Swanson!
DJ says
Dr. Swanson, thank you for your compassion and for taking the time to respond. I’m sure you’re very busy, and this is an amazing service to get your professional and personal advice. I wanted to follow up in case other parents reading this would like an update. I took your advice and started a no-cry technique last weekend. (shush pat from the aby whisperer) It worked! Well maybe that’s a little eager. Like you wrote, I guess babies are always changing-but it’s working for us now. We’re able to put her in her crib when she shows tired signs, and she usuually needs some patting, but she has fallen asleep on her own (with me sitting out of sight) a couple of times for naps. I’m sure we’ll have more struggles along the way, but we’re feeling more confident now, which gives us hope. Thanks again.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks, DJ. Thrilled to hear you’re more confident and things are going so well.
britni b says
just read a blog post by a woman going through STTN issues right now — no answers, but a great read! https://www.thedailybalance.com/2012/02/17/sttn/
Shekika says
My 7 month old daughter has recently started rolling around the crib like a crazy person in her sleep. She bangs her head on the crib, and then wakes up screaming all through the night. She falls back asleep quickly once I put her pacifier back in, but I’m still running back and forth all night. Any suggestions?
Mai says
Hi Dr. Swanson,
Great video and replies. I love that you took time to help out tired moms/dads.
My question is how to wean baby from feeding at night? Like many babies, mine caught a cold and he needed me to hold him to sleep… he couldn’t breath from the snots in his nose. It was pretty painful seeing him suffer through it. He slept 5 hours straight then it stopped after his cold. Now he wakes up every 1.5-2 hours. Mostly wanting comfort and sometimes hunger. His dad comforts him to sleep and that’s how i knew he wasn’t hungry. So I need your help please. He’s 6.5 months now, very tall/large baby – 98 percentile for weight and height. I don’t know if this is why he needs to be feed so often. He’s starting solid, I feed him twice a day with puree vegetables. The rest of the time, it’s breast milk. He’s happy as a clam but he wakes up very often and I’m very tired because I am told that sleeping in his crib is the safest. It’s just hard for me to feed him at night every two hours. Thanks for your help.