I was never a very good reader when I was little. I really didn’t enjoy it like everyone else.
As a child, I simply preferred to talk. My brother would sit for hours quietly reading while I’d work on making a lot of noise. Apparently, I have always felt I had a lot to say. Many people have noticed this; my 7th grade pre-algebra teacher nicknamed me, “Mouth.” And in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area in Northern Minnesota circa 1979, my parents recall (and retell the story of) a camping trip where everyone was so tired of talking with me they shooed me away. When I gave up vying for their attention, I stomped off alone and within minutes, I struck up a conversation with a group of ants.
With ample practice, I’ve become a good talker. But all this talking doesn’t have to detract from listening. In my job seeing patients I think about listening every day. Like most doctors, when I’m running behind or distracted by a sick patient, I have to coach myself to decelerate and take the time to listen. I have been so incredibly humbled and quieted by my surroundings in medicine and the people with whom I work. And as I get older (and hopefully better at this), the more medicine I know, the less I have had to say. I learn so much more by shutting my mouth and listening. It seems in medicine, that is when communication often commences.
In the exam room, sitting down often helps me find more space to listen. A report this week mentioned how much better patients feel (and often perceive they are understood) when their doctor sits down during the visit. I feel better, too.
I must say, I don’t think talking a lot or reading less necessarily detracts from learning to listen. When I was growing up, I remember feeling bad about my disinterest in reading, learning from others it was a failure on some level. Somehow it seemed to others that my loud-ever-talking-sharing-self was never going to acquire what I needed. But I did.
So when I look at my boys now, I work to re-frame what their reading & talking and their sitting & listening mean. Projected against each other, one of these little boys may look deficient. But I’m learning more and more they are simply learning to do this differently.
So there is hope in our home for one very interested reader. And hope for one little ant-talker. But I believe what is more likely is that these two boys will find themselves proficient at both. We can all learn to read and talk, sit and listen. In our own time. Please, pull up that chair…
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molly says
i loved this post – from one talker to another. i believe the term my 2nd grade teacher (and 3rd and 4th and 5th and so on…) used was “social butterfly”. as i grew older, i finally did acquire a love for reading, and hopefully became a better listener somewhere along the way! it helps that i also married a man who is not a talker. more talking for me! ha. we’ll miss you at liam’s 2 month checkup. do i need to do it right at two months, or can i wait until you’re avail? (just curious)
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Molly, First: sorry for the delay getting the comment up. We’ve had some techno difficulties. You can certainly wait on scheduling but only to a certain degree. Well child checks usually are around the time of the milestone (2 months, for example). They don’t have to be on the day, but near the day, for development checks, etc. Don’t wait a month, ie. The only reason I’d say book it NOW is because I want Liam to get his shots on time….no reason to wait for me. The earlier he gets em, the earlier he’s protected. However, I always tell parents, ok to schedule after the birthday (or month), just not before as some immunizations require age for start (Varicella or chicken pox shot, ie you have to be 12 months of age to get it). See you soon, talker!
Becky says
If I remember correctly that pre-algerbra teacher was quite the talker himself! In my case the talking is very much a learning style: verbal processing is essential to getting that info into my brain long term. Ah, the balance of knowing how to ask the right questions as we listen to keep all in the process engaged. Thanks for your post.