Maaaaaaajor milestone in our house today. O filled up his first reward chart for potting training. Even bigger, last night just before he went to bed, O and I discussed that he only had two spaces left on the chart. Once filled, he gets a special trip to the toy store. Although seemingly unclear about the rules and benefits of the chart last night, he told me he would wait until morning to pee.
Thing is, he did.
He awoke with a dry diaper. We felt like lottery winners! O went to the bathroom, peed in the toilet, and then came to find me this morning. His 4 1/2 year old brother did the reporting:
“O peed much more than we thought he could this morning, Mommy.”
I was astonished. I went to the toilet to see the evidence. Dark yellow bowl of pee. Immense pride….I think my heart pushed out a double-beat.
This has never happened; we’ve just started trying with underwear this week. These little people in our lives astonish…
I’m doubtful this will last into perpetuity at this point, and I understand the potty training road, like most roads, is very bumpy. But I do know this: reward charts really can help motivate potty-trainers.
Using Reward Charts for Potty Training:
- Basic is best. You don’t need to buy a chart. Make the reward chart together with your potty trainer. Have them help design it. Provide them a sense of ownership.
- Celebrate success on the chart. Ignore failures. NEVER take stickers down for mistakes.
- Give stickers freely for any good deed you deem worthy of progress. Be clear with your child about progress (putting on underwear, peeing/pooping on the toilet, or even entering the bathroom to pee in a diaper if you have a child who is resistant).
- Rewards should be non-food items whenever possible. Leave the relationship with food out of it! A $1-$5 toy may be best for the first row of stickers, for example. Save a bigger reward, like a trip to the toy store alone with Mom or Dad (for a $2 toy) for a completed and full chart. But provide structure on how it works. The first toy will be very educational…
- Don’t give up hope when you step backwards on the potty training road. Return to reward charts again and again as needed. Change incentives and rewards to inspire a sense of newness.
MommieV says
The first morning of our latest round of potty training (which has been successful for over a week now), my daughter was doing a very good job of keeping her panties dry, but hadn’t yet pee peed on the potty. She got mad at me for not giving her a sticker, so I made up a new rule that if her panties were dry at panty check she could get a sticker. I waited until her attention was on something else, then announced “panty check” and since her panties were dry, she got a sticker. So I agree with your point about stickers for other achievements and not just the pee pee.
We used the chart from the back of a Fisher Price book we’d been given. She had read the book and looked at the stickers and the chart, so she was very interested when we started. Our first attempt wasn’t very successful, but I left the chart up and when we started again she was more ready.
Our chart is divided like a calendar. But she wanted to put the stickers on herself, not understanding that “boxes” mean “days”. I had to really suspend my inner control freak and let her put the stickers whereever she wanted them. It is her chart, you know.
Her Nan and I also started doing a dance when she would go and we would see “you pee peed in the potty!” several times. The “pee pee dance” is now almost as much motivation as the stickers for her now, because she loves that we dance and sing the song together.
We have a long way to go until we have a dry morning, so that’s really impressive!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
The dance sounds entirely motivating, too. Keep us posted here how it goes! I’ll do the same. No idea if that dry night last night really came from our conversation right before he fell asleep or if it was a fluke.
Time will undoubtably tell….
cassandra says
my daughter is 3 as of may and still refusing to potty train!
Sarah says
We have had such great luck with charts as well. When my four year old daughter relapsed and started having minor poop accidents in her panties (she’d go just a bit, then hold it, then race to the bathroom–so frustrating), we busted out a chart and she stopped the poop accidents after two weeks. Four months later (at 5 years old) she had another relapse, and we did it again. It’s now been about a year with no accidents. Hooray.
We used it with my son at 2 1/2 when he began training, and while it has taken him a solid year to potty train, the chart helped immensely in the beginning to motivate him. We only used it for the first two months until he had peeing under control but I would definitely bust it out if he started having more than one or two accidents a week.
By the way, for what it’s worth to any parents out there, my mom insists we were all ‘potty trained’ by the age of two yet none of us stopped having occasional (and sometimes more frequent) accidents until the first grade. Don’t give up! So much of it is habit, and the rest is physical development. Your kid will totally get there!!
Katie says
We didn’t do a chart, we just did a rewards system. But it did involve food, I’m afraid. For a pee pee, he got either two m&ms or two skittles (his two favorite candies that he rarely gets). For poo poos, he got to pick from the prize bucket. The prize bucket was filled with dollar store-type prizes (bubbles, window clings, hotwheels, stickers, crayons, coloring books, etc.).
Will potty-trained easily at 28 months. HE WAS READY (I wasn’t). I think had he not been ready, we would have had more hoops to jump through. He was day trained within two days. Then, a month later, he had a relapse (an occasional peeing accident). So then, we would tell him that Daddy would bring him a prize at the end of the day if he stayed dry all day. It took three days of that to cure the relapse. He hasn’t had an accident since early June.
One other thing we did was to let him pick out his underwear in the morning and then, as we were putting one whatever character he picked, we would say, “Now remember, we want to keep “Nemo/Wall-E/BuzzLightyear/etc.”” dry all day. No accidents.” Even today, potty trained, he still says it as we put on his underwear in the morning. At first, he thought that underwear were disposable. I showed him four pairs and told him that was all we had and that we couldn’t run out. That flipped a switch for him.
I always carried at least one set of dry underwear and a pair of pants with me when was training (oh, who am I kidding, I still do). I also stayed home for the first week and MADE him sit on the potty every 30 minutes. The first time we did an outing, I was very nervous and packed three changes. He did fine. Again, though, HE was READY.
Why was he so ready? I am not sure. Probably his personality. We talked a lot about potty. We read potty books from 18 months on. He had his own potty since 18 months, too. I sat him on the potty often from then on and let him watch me go potty. We never put any pressure on him whatsoever, but it was a definite topic of conversation. I knew that I could never control it and, to be honest, I wasn’t even concerned about it. I got lucky and I KNOW THAT. Trust me, I know it.
This chart, though, it is a great idea. Wish I would have thought of it! 🙂 And, yeah, O! Any progress is progress!
Potty Training by Noon says
I really like the reward chart. What a great idea!
For any other Moms out there who are struggling with potty training, please feel free to check out this little book that I wrote. It’s based on the method used to potty-train my son, Ian, when he was two years old:
https://www.PottyTrainingByNoon.com
Again, love the reward chart. Thanks for this great article!
-Kim
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
To document, we did great yesterday. O stayed in underwear all day. I thought things were going swimmingly until we were out of the house last night and he was on a play structure at REI. He came down off the slide and stood up, then took to squatting. The husband jumped up, (screaming to stop and go to the potty) and grabbed him, we went rushing off to the bathroom.
He refused. Wouldn’t sit on the potty at REI, wouldn’t poop on the potty.
Tantrum all over the public bathroom floor. Poop in his underwear. Unwilling to sit on the potty again.
We left the public bathroom (he wouldn’t let me change him). Returned to the play structure until he decided again that yes, he wanted to change.
And then ultimately returned back to the bathroom, where he let me help him out of his underwear….I spent a significant amount of time muzzling myself–trying desperately not to say anything negative.
It was was an episode of toilet training we’ve never had with his older brother F. I hear about these but this was my first. I felt a bit spent and sick to my stomach when all was over.
By reacting and jumping up and nearly screaming to get to the potty we’d done nearly everything wrong. (!!)
The good news? His overnight diaper was dry this AM despite his mess-up parents. And he’s back in his undies.
See? These little kids astonish. My job: to just keep following his lead…
Viki says
I’ve had that experience and did scream. My daughter thought the public toilet was scary and gross so we bought a portable potty seat that fit in a small diaper bag. You can attach a plastic bag below the portable seat and have them squat at the park, truck stop, in your car as you pull out of the Starbucks drive-thru line. It took about a month (I think) for my daugther to give us more than 30 seconds on notice. She was ready but I attribute that urgency to her age (28/29 months). My son (now 29 months) is ready to train and asks for underwear. However, I want to wait a month or two longer. I want to enjoy my summer without planning to be within 10 feet of a bathroom. 🙂
DS says
Clearly, I’m in the minority here, but our two kids both potty-trained without stickers, charts, rewards, promises, etc. Every family needs to do what is right for them, of course. We avoid prizes, rewards, etc in our house aside from the natural reward of accomplishing something challenging. Sounds snooty, I know, but there’s a lot of data that too many external motivators can lead to “What will you give me if I do it?” attitudes from both kids and adults.
Didn’t write to cause trouble or judge anyone else at all – just wanted to put out there that potty-training is a normal developmental milestone that kids will reach without all the bells and whistles. If that is what works for your family’s values and priorities, it can most definitely be done (“on time”) without that stuff.
I really do mean what I said – every family should do what’s right for them! As a goofy aside, lemonade and chocolate ice cream are pseudo-appropriate if you’re going to have a party celebrating potty success.
Teresa says
My little girl is almost 3. She is starting to potty train. I noticed that sometimes when she was bathing she would stand up and then say, Uh-Oh! Pee!, and then she would pee right after. So we started asking her if she needed to Uh-Oh pee so she could connect verbalizing the need to go with the sensation. We also use reward charts. She really likes picking out stickers, one for the chart and one for her hand. I found charts at https://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com. It also gives good tips for parents regarding behavior training. The best advice that I received was making potty time more fun than diaper changes. Diaper/pull-up changes should not be playfull, but more robotic and potty time should be made more fun/enticing for the child. We also have a child’s potty chair and 2 different potty seats for the big potty. Empowering her with her choice of potty seats has been helpfull too. It seems to make the experience less scary.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
UPDATE:
Before offering any more rounds of applause, know this: we’re back in pull-ups. And I’m mulling over DS’s comments…
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
UPDATE:
Still in Pull-ups. O shows occasional interest in peeing on the potty for a sticker. The reward chart is filling up again but it’s sparsly populated and losing its luster from my vantage point. I’m backing off. We’ll see how it goes.
Jovana says
I follow this blog daily. Thanks for the tips. I am looking forward to trying out potty training and reward chart. I am committed on starting this Saturday. 🙂
Megan says
Any progress? I am in the beginning stages of potty training my 3 year old son. For a long time he resisted wanting to even sit on the potty, so I waited until he was ready. Finally, just after he turned 3 (1 1/2 months ago), he started sitting on the potty. He has been in underwear for the last 2 weeks and with many promptings, he has been dry for a couple days. However, he seems to be resisting pooping on the potty. Instead he will go in his underwear, or I will catch him trying and rush him to the toilet – only to have him not go. I don’t know what it is – should I just allow him to poop in his underwear and go through the process of helping him clean up and wait for him to decide to sit on the potty? I was contemplating a rewards chart and like your ideas, however, I also agree with DS’s comments. Maybe I just need to be patient and let his mind and body decide.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Well Megan, we have had progress since I wrote the post but it hasn’t been entirely “smooth.”
We had the same trouble/challenge that you are having w your 3 yr old son. O did great with keeping pee in and listening to his body but he was terrified to poop on the potty. That reaction and situation is VERY common. He would poop in his underwear, or “remember” too late and poop on the way to the toilet. Or I’d rush him to the toilet when he grabbed his bottom (because I knew he needed to poop) and he wouldn’t do anything, only to poop a few minutes later.
And then, he would get extraordinarily disappointed in himself. That’s when I realized there was no more discussing poop. I’d leave it all up to him.
We stopped the reward chart soon after the post when it was clear he knew the drill and didn’t need external incentivizing. He understood what he needed to do. And he was okay stopping the chart.
Over time, like most children, he got over this fear to poop on the potty and things are much better. Now very little trouble at all, but I really did have to work to take my own advice and BACK OFF.
My advice is to stand back, lay off, and let your son decide what he wants. Ask him. Does he want to wear underwear or a pull up? Does he want to poop only in a diaper or pull up or what? If he is showing you resistance, allow him to call all the shots and support him. By backing off, you’ll allow him to dictate when he is ready himself to poop on the potty, all on his terms. If he goes away and poops in his underwear, have him go get a new pair of underwear and help him get cleaned up. If he goes on the toilet, celebrate. But do your best to stop prompting, asking, and showing any disappointment when he “messes” up. Super hard but ultimately one of the most important things we do.
Shana says
I made my son a personalized potty training chart with a photo of him on the toilet!!! He loved it and it actually worked. I made the chart on https://www.rewardcharts4kids.com with their potty training chart maker. I laminated the chart after I printed it and then I used it over and over until my son stopped asking for a sticker and using the toilet just became habit!
jc says
Try the towel potty training method.