I read an incredible story this week; I think you should read it. It’s not enjoyable, per se, but eye-opening and provides perspective on parental love. Healthy days can be simply luxurious. Any parent who has endured/witnessed serious illness in children knows this. So do parents who have witnessed a scare.
When I forwarded the story to my husband while flying to a conference on Monday, he instantly said, “I just want to go home and hug the boys.” I felt the same way. But trapped at 30,000 feet, I had little choice. I was working while flying across the continent. I’ve mainly been traveling with the boys these past years, and on this trip I learned that the last bastion of the unplugged landscape is dead. I point my finger at airplane WiFi. Albeit fantastic from a productivity stand-point, WiFi in the sky is life-balance wrecking. For a working mom who fills up every square centimeter of time with work or time with the kids, the airplane trip (sans kids) was supposed to be a little luxury “me time.” No more.
By Colorado, back into work and entirely plugged in, I became slightly breathless.
Despite the plentiful air in the MD-80, the article knocked the wind out of me. It’s a little bit about suffering and a lot about love. Maybe it strikes especially close to home because it’s written by a doctor who is married to a doctor who has a son. Obviously I could picture myself in her shoes. But even pushing those similarities aside, what Dr Steinglass writes about is universally relevant; she describes the desperate love we feel for our children. The love we feel daily, and more palpably, when they are ill. If my husband wanted to run home from the hospital, you can imagine what it felt like for me as I read it traveling East, away from Seattle, at 30,000 feet…
The article has stuck with me over the last two days. As has the insatiable desire to return home (rapidly) to the boys. But I will say this; I’m still glad I went on this trip. Still thankful for the opportunity to contribute, and appreciative of the learning I received. Working, even when it extracts me, is good for me on multiple levels. Yet it doesn’t mean that leaving is any less complicated. Mothers who enjoy work don’t love or miss their children less.
Leaving young children and climbing into the sky is not easy. Never mind the worry about travel, it’s the longing I feel. Waving to O in the car (tears in my eyes) after waving to F at the stairway (tears in my eyes) remains with me today. But I am committed to my mission of improving the way families learn about pediatric health information. And I was off to speak and moderate a panel of experts. I met incredible people, heard wise lessons, and was able to spread a bit of my story. But my heartstrings were tugged on, pulled, and frayed. Being a working mom, and being asked to travel, brews a complex mix of emotion. I’m not yet at my quarterly working mom crisis point, but I spent a good deal of time thinking about choices while away…
This article contributed to it. I mentioned to a few docs I know that it should be requisite reading for exhausted residents, nurses, and any other provider in a Children’s hospital. A good reminder of why we all work so hard. Particularly when we get lost in the overload of it all.
Click on the link. And know, that as I do too, I’m doing so from 30,000 feet.
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Viki says
Thanks for sharing that article! I had to save it for when I had time for a good cry. Do you know what I LOVED about this article? It’s the pervasive denial that the parents experience. They feel compelled to listen to their gut, look after their child. Yet they really can’t accept any of the facts like the pulse ox measurement. My baby was sick. I’d seen several physicians who thought I needed a nap and to stop googling. I felt frustrated and releaved, but took my baby to the ER at Children’s just in case. I was awaiting my “uber google mom” dx when this intern comes in and says that she’s paged the fellow so that my baby could be admitted within the hour. It’s ridiculous to remember how shocked I was. I thought, “oh, no the intern needs a nap, too. The fellow will set her straight.”
Unfortunately I’ve know parents who have lost or have critically ill children and I believe God has a special grace for that anguish. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I could give my kids big hugs after I was done with my cry. My heart goes out to those parents who won’t be able to give their little one hugs in this life.
Shelly says
Thank you so much for sharing. So thankful that Dr. Steinglass shared her story for those of us that can relate and will definitely hug our little ones a little tighter tonight. No one told me parenthood would be such a roller coaster of deep, overwhelming at times, emotions including unconditional, devoted love to a tiny little being. I’m sure you’ll give big hugs to your little ones once you are back and thank you for continuing to contribute through your speaking and sharing.
Jessy says
What a beautiful article. It was really healing to my soul to have feelings I have felt written down so beautifully.
Karen says
Thanks for sharing. I was at the same conference in Jacksonville. As a mom of one very special 14 year old, I felt myself feeling silly that, upon my arrival at the hotel, after a long, long day of air travel from Ontario, I broke down in tears. This was my first time being so far away from my husband and son and all I really wanted to do was fly straight home again! Seriously, after I gained composure, I went downstairs to the restaurant and while I sat there, I realized that I was not the only mom who was there alone, without her family.
Thanks for making me realize that the emotions I was feeling were not silly in the least and in fact, quite normal. It sure takes strength to be a working, traveling mom!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks, all. And thank you for sharing your experience in Florida, Karen. Good to know I wasn’t alone. Although we all suspect we’re having similar experiences (with distance) it’s nice to have the proof!!
LaurelH says
Thank you for this. While it made me cry it also validated feelings I have had for many years! Our daughter had an autoimmune disease that arrived on her doorstep at the age of eight and finally departed (thanks goodness) at seventeen, taking 75% of her kidney and a big piece of her self esteem and confidence with it. We had a marvelous pediatrician ( in fact she cried when she had to “graduate”) but verying experiences with nurses and other care givers, some of whom should not be in the caregiving field. Every time I tried to go back to school to finish that elusive Masters Degree my daughter would end up with a relapse and no, we never discovered what the triggers were. I have large gaps in my life where I had not time for friends, where I did not do the career things and where I wonder what I could have done better. However, what I did learn was that the hugs are the most important, that family and love are more important than things and that time is a wondefrful healer if you are indeed lucky enought to be granted that luxury. We were, and our daughter is now a vibrant young woman with a wonderful new husband who has never been in hospital in his life! And what would you trade for that? In the end I believe it brought our family closer together, perhaps because it taught me that every day must be cherished.