When becoming a parent, we make a big choice. One enormous decision. Hello, understatement of the century. I remember my father-in-law saying, “There’s a freight train coming,” just before F was born. Yes, thunderous and steamy, I was ushered into a new world December of 2006, when my first freight train hit. And although I now may be billowing steam and coal, motherhood is the most astounding segment of my life thus far.
This weekend I read a blog post written by an OB I don’t know. She calls herself The Skeptical OB. We may hum on the same wavelength. She says that “Mothering is about choosing motherhood, and not about mothering choices.”
When I read her post, I nearly held my breath. Then I re-read it again a few times. So much of what she says makes sense to me and hits on my recurring theme about parenting in the world of opinion–the reality that there is no manual, no right or correct way to parent. There is no needed judgment and guilt about our choices. Love and commitment to our children may be the only pre-requisites for success. I found Dr Amy Tuteur’s blog post about choosing parenting on a popular medical blog this past weekend.
I felt like she was channeling my thoughts.
At one point she says, “My fundamental objection to the philosophies of natural childbirth and attachment parenting is not the emphasis that they place on mothering; I object to the fact that they privilege specific mothering choices over others.”
Hallelujah. Read her entire post.
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Katie says
Amen. Ditto. What she said. And all of that.
I also wrote a blog about this brilliant post and am directing my readers to it. Being a mom is hard enough and there is a lot of second guessing and judging going on out there which makes it even tougher. I think Moms should have a copy of this given to them at their first well-baby check.
I love the freight train analogy, too, btw. It perfectly sums it all up.
Shelly says
So true, so many of my friends have agreed that we felt like a frieght train hit us after the birth of our first child. One said it best when she said, “he rocked our world.” I use that often now. So nice to say that to each other since it feels so lonely sometimes as a new mom, or mom at any point during the unchartered waters of your child’s development. Thanks, Seattle Mama!
Vera says
The problem, based on things I have read on her blog before, is that Dr. Tuteur is EXTREMELY judgmental, condescending, and arrogant when it comes to parents making birthing choices with which she disagrees. She’s guilty of exactly what she accuses natural childbirth advocates of doing. She thinks the very idea of unmedicated birth is silly and stupid (and is not timid in how she says so), which is no better than natural birth advocates saying that medicated birth is weak or harmful. I just don’t have a lot of respect for physicians who are not willing to recognize that when a patient/parent values something – like natural childbirth – attacking them for their values is not productive. You can disagree without judging or insulting. I think YOU do a great job of being RESPECTFUL of views that differ from yours.
Katie says
Loved this post of hers, it was excellent. However, in light of the rest of her blog, it makes her seem hypocritical at best. The one thing I value about your blog (I have been devouring it over the last two days since I found it) is the fact that you do a wonderful job of respecting viewpoints, whether they are similar to your own or not. That is refreshing in a way that Dr. Tuteur is not.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks, Katie.
Sara says
I’m working my way through your new book, and I was shocked to find that you quoted Amy Tuteur with approval. I actually had to stop reading and find this blog post to make sure you had gotten feedback about it.
I agree that the post you quoted was a nice sentiment, but I have to agree with Vera and Katie above – in my experience Tuteur is completely disrespectful and dismissive of anyone whose values differ from hers. Such a hypocritical post from her!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Thank you so much for your comment, Sara. I wrote this post (as you can see) way back in 2010 when I discovered the content online. I’m sorry she’s dismissive and disrespectful to others’ opinions in your experience. I’m sorry to hear that this reads very hypocritical to other content you’ve read of hers as well.
I do work really hard to share my opinions and share science and information to back them up but also lay out how others think. We all have a lot to learn (that’s an understatement) and I feel privileged to have the training I do and access to science to know how to help guide decision-making when I can.