I loved a recent NYT article where Dr Eric Topol described Americans as surgically connected to their phones. He also described the great opportunity that resides within the phones for getting and providing better health care. These phones are a part of our future and can be exceptional partners in measuring and preserving our wellness. These mobile devices and apps will increasingly put the patient at the center of their own care. Dr Bryan Vartabedian summarized Dr Topol’s book and reminded us that, “medicine is increasingly anchored by the individual.” Thank goodness.
But the balance of how we value and use these astoundingly powerful pocket tools remains mysterious for some of us. There is a growing body of work about the addictive properties of smart cell phones. And although I hear a lot about how we should advise our children and teens to manage their digital device use, I don’t hear as much about how we as parents can do the same.
There are countless blogs and loud rants that cross my desk (phone, I mean) shouting for moms and dads to get off their phone when they are with their children. They look a lot like this:
Now Mr Palmer wasn’t yelling at me this morning (or maybe he was), rather he was responding to some data I shared about cell phone use: 1 and 3 adults say they frequently use their cell phones at the dinner table. I love family meals and detest the idea of a shifting vision for what they are. But the reality is this: these devices have an alluring, addictive capacity to distract us from what matters most. The beeps with arriving texts and emails provide exhilaration to connect or learn. The device can also connect us with great information, great data, great personal advice, and they can help us forge beautiful and meaningful relationships. Just think about what you can learn about your friends halfway across the US on Facebook.
There will be a day when my teen patients can text me private questions about their health. I know it. And I await the opportunity to help my patients in near real time by curating, responding, and connecting them with what science holds. Even without a crystal ball, I can tell you virtual care is in the future job description of every pediatrician.
It’s the balance and compartmentalization with our devices that remains elusive.
After I left my phone in a cab after a recent speaking gig, I was awakened to my own dependence: my boarding pass, my clock, my email, and my text message connection to my children and family were all riding around in a lone cab. There wasn’t a pay phone in site. And in the moments between loss and reunion with my beloved phone, I did sort of panic.
I don’t think I’m unusual. My relationship is becoming the norm for many American parents. It’s predicted that mobile devices will overtake the worldwide population by the end of this calendar year!
Did you know that a poll of 500 adults (read: this is a small sample size) found that 1 in 5 would rather lose a romantic partner than a cellphone? Or that 40% of iPhone users would ditch the toothbrush for a week compared to a requisite hiatus from their phone? Although I’m not surprised, I wonder, how does this affect parenting in this incredible time and land of opportunity that we call 2012.
There is great information to be shared and stored in our phones. The videos of our children, the audio recordings from the park, our virtual desk at work, information about health. And although I don’t have many answers, I do have a few observations I’ve gleened from working in this space and from having the fortune to care for families in clinic. I’ll share a few of them a couple weeks from now locally here in Seattle at the below lecture. Join me, in a seat or up on stage (!), to discuss what we know about finding balance and how we can use this emerging, incredible technology while enjoying our children. We can and must thrive while raising our kids, even with an iPhone tucked nicely in our pocket.
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Viki says
Have you read Gloria DeGaetano’s Parenting Well in a Media Age: Keeping Our Kids Human. She has 100s of suggestions for practices families can put in place to use media wisely but not let the screens mediate relationships or assume a disproportionate amount of our attention. She’s this year’s speaker at the Bellevue College parent education lecture this April.
https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Well-Media-Age-Keeping/dp/1932181121/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331344087&sr=8-1
I think a lot of what we think to do for our children applies to ourselves. If we put good practices in place, we keep media creep in check.
hiking crone says
This may be the most important parenting issue of the early 21st century! How can we use our invaluable smart phone and not let it distract us from what is really important in our relationships. Watching parents wearing babies and/or strolling with them around Seattle, I can’t help but wonder that infants and toddlers hearing one half of conversations for hours on end will have an entirely unique intellectual, language and social development.
Katie says
I have a rule which I am fortunate enough to be able to follow: my blackberry (work phone) goes into my purse when I get home and does not come out until I get up to get ready for work the next day (and my kids are still sleeping). My personal cell phone has always been \off limits\ after 6 PM on weeknights and pretty much the entire weekend. I know I am probably unusual in this way, but I honestly look around at all of the people ON devices, and it scares me. The more \in touch\ we are getting with people so many miles away, the less in touch we are with the ones right in front of us. This does mean that, since my return to work, I am not as \active\ online as a I used to be. And it’s funny. . . I don’t miss it much and I doubt very much anyone on line really misses me! 🙂
Recently, I was out to dinner with my family. My kids (3.5 and a little over a 1.5) are finally getting to the age where dining out isn’t as stressful (it’s still a bit daunting sometimes, but we are at the stage where I usually do get to eat (most) of my meal while it’s hot and they eat (most) of their food after we make sure it isn’t!). I looked around the family-friendly restaurant and, I kid you not, at EVERY SINGLE TABLE table, a parent (or both) were on a device of some sort (phone or pad) AND?? SO WERE THE KIDS. People were shoveling their food in mindlessly, not interacting with those around them, and it reminded me of that Wall-E movie where the people are in these little bubbles, not interacting with each other or doing anything, but tricked into feeling as if they are through devices. And it was SCARY, because obviously, that is a MOVIE, exaggerated for effect, and yet. . . it didn’t seem that far off from our reality.
I do agree that everything, technology included, is about moderation. It is about using these tools the proper way, because, hey, from 8 AM – 5 PM, my blackberry and personal cell phone are my LIFE LINES. . . including with my kiddos, keeping in contact with their nanny, sending and receiving pictures of what they are doing throughout the day, etc. And I don’t think cell phones, computers, t.v., whatever is the problem, it’s the fact that we tend to overuse these things and not even realize it.
But I am still going to make a valiant effort to preserve family time, because I am seeing firsthand how quickly it all goes by.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Katie,
I agree with you that this is a moderation issue not an issue of the device. It’s not that the devices have us in their grip, rather that the lure is so strong and our distractibility rising.
You’re fortunate your blackberry goes in your purse at the end of your work day and that you have the option of turning your phone off at 6pm. It’s a curfew you should fight to hold onto in your career as I fight to gain it.
James Nikon says
We cannot deny the fact that cell phones are very useful when it comes to medical health. It is an easy way to communicate in case of emergency. In fact, some hospitals are now encouraging the use of cellphones for fast communication.