First day back to work after vacation is brutal. I do my part to weigh costs and benefits with my personal work-life-balance all the time, I chew on my decisions daily. The focus on balance may be a true occupational hazard of being a mommy blogger. When one part of your career centers on writing parenting and pediatric content while thinking about balance for parents who work outside their home, the task of finding balance and meaning– true contentment of your own– can be arduous. Especially during the first few days back to work after a family vacation. Turns out perseverating on what others think about balance can be unproductive in moments of transition.
I’ve been away and a bit offline this past week or so. I’ve been lucky to be more present with my family. I haven’t been reading as much pediatric content. I was surprised to learn about the measles case here in Seattle, the multi-state listeria outbreak, and catch up on some new conversations about air travel safety. On vacation I traveled with my family to the Midwest to see one set of grandparents where I also pulled off a surprise 40th birthday party for my husband, I finished the book Lean In, I jumped repeatedly into a lake, I read a poorly written “beach novel,” and I started Infinite Jest (will be miraculous if I can finish it). I played and played with the boys. I did my part to check-in and check-out of the chewy challenge of striking a good balance between work and family in my head…
Re-Entry To Work
It’s the days of re-entry into work from vacation for so many of us that cause our hearts to pause. Cause us to question our choices with working and sort out our decisions yet again. The first few days back to work can feel deleterious to the hard work and progress with contentment we’d achieved previously. It’s hard to leave our children any day but harder I think that first day back. Yesterday when I heard there was a NYT article about a mom leaving a corner office for work at home, I waited a good 5 hours before reading it. I knew I would have to brace myself.
Thing is, on that first day or two back to work, we working parents can still remember precisely what it feels like to have the weight of our child on our lap for hours at a time. We can see evidence of time out of work — a piece of sand in the bottom of our wallet or a receipt from the public pool that falls out when we pay for gasoline. We pick up the phone and two swipes away is an Instagram feed of photos in the late afternoon sun. There are vivid glimpses of full days with our children, one after another…
Re-entry is dangerous for any of us after vacation as so many things can cause us to burn up as we enter the work atmosphere. But they are of particular hazard when you’re a mommy blogger and you start to read about balance the minute you return.
My advice (I’m talking to myself out loud here) is to focus on your mission, complete a task or two that is essential, and slip gradually back into being the productive person you like. Find a big win at work as best you can the first few days and take an extra long time with your children just before bed. Pull on a bootstrap and realize the great privilege it is to contribute. Rinse and repeat…
Caroline bROWN says
Wendy,
What a wonderful blog post! I too, a young mother and pediatrician, like all working mothers, struggle with the contrast between lazy days on vacation (spent lying in the grass blowing bubbles with my toddler and stealing drooly kisses from my 4 month old) and the hectic pace of my peds clinic.
Re-entry is the hardest time – when that contrast between home and work is the hardest to take.
As usual, you sum up the situation perfectly and your advice to “pull on a bootstrap and realize the great privilege it is to contribute” is perfectly put (and much appreciated).
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Thanks, Caroline. Today was better for me after publishing that. Had a fascinating discussion with a medical physicist who was keenly aware of the need to improve public understanding about CT scans and pristine in his dedication to excellence. And that was an early big win for me this week—learned a ton, completed an interview to share on the news and working hard to improve the health of others. But still hard, yes. Thanks, always, for reading and especially for leaving a comment!
Lisa says
Aaaaah this is one of many reasons why I’m currently at home. BUT I am SO glad that the world is full of awesome moms (and dads… how come they’re not out there writing this type of blog post?) whose passions have led them to make different choices. Nothing is more important than having excellent physicians who are truly devoted to their field and their patients, we need every last one of them!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Thanks, Lisa! I do feel so dedicated to my work and to the health of children. And am constantly inspired by my colleagues who work to improve the lives of others. But clearly, some days—esp these ones after vacation– it’s a huge challenge to find the perfect formula of work and family and sleep and food and exercise and rest and contribution…
Lisa says
You clearly are! I LOVED your Ted talk and reposted it. I’m sure I would be in your boat if I’d gone into a field that was more rewarding, and involved more “contribution.” Law was not that field for me – I went into it thinking I would prosecute sex crimes and domestic violence, but found that criminal prosecution was actually sad all around and I’m just too sensitive to enjoy working with horrible stories, even on the “right” (not always) side. I find staying home to be a more enjoyable life than practicing and *for me* it’s more meaningful than what my job would have been. But I have a lot of physician-mommy friends and I love that they love their lives too, and we are all great moms. Hoping the mommy wars will finally end when more dads stay home so that it’s not a gender-politics issue.
Jen says
Dr. Wendy,
Thanks for your post! I am actually from the Midwest (MN) and just recently returned from a trip to Seattle! What a beautiful area you live in! I too struggled with getting back into the swing of things upon my return, not just mentally but physically, which made working a challenge. But since I only work parti-time I was able to ease into it and still spend precious time with my four kids. I think the vacation time away actually made me appreciate time with them even more so I’m trying to be intentional about the moments we have together. Since I work in the area of Public Health, it helps me to know that the work that I do not only helps the community I serve, it also benefits my family and makes me a better mom :)!