We had one of each in our house: one baby that we let cry for periods of time to self-soothe and one where I simply couldn’t bear to hear the crying in quite the same way. You’d think it would have been just the same for both of our boys, but it wasn’t. Clearly I wasn’t the same parent each time around.
There are many things that go into the equation of how we get our babies to sleep thought the night. And those of us who struggled after our babies after 6 months of age are in good company. Research shows that about 45% of mothers say they struggle with their 6-12 month-old’s sleep.
Solving the sleep solution requires a diverse mix of instinct, patience with personal and baby temperament, timing, mood, advice we get, and good luck.
The reality is that there isn’t one perfect way to help support an infant who’s learning to sleep through the night. But there are few pearls I believe in:
- Start letting your baby learn to fall asleep on their own (not at the breast or with a bottle or always being rocked) at 1 months of age when they are drowsy but content. At least a few times a day, let them fall off to sleep on their back, in a crib without you. This will help them learn the skills of self-soothing. This can serve your entire family…
- Start a bedtime routine during early infancy. Do your best to keep the same bed time with the same routine each and every night.
- Let your baby show you their resilience. Allow them to fuss and crank and re-position themselves at times to learn how to calm themselves and learn how to self-soothe. I sincerely believe infants surprise us with what they can do. This doesn’t mean you have to listen to your baby wail!
Beyond those pearls, I’ve yet to commit to recommending one strict sleep method for patients. I often try to offer up the options. I believe some babies and parents do very well letting their babies “cry-it-out” while others really suffer. The good news is that we’re all doing it right—in the long run, we all can care for our children with equal love and compassion. New data this month sets this straight.
Teaching parents to regulate their children’s sleep behavior is a form of limit setting that, combined with parental warmth, constitutes the optimal, authoritative, parenting style for child outcomes.
A study published this month followed up on infants and moms who had reported challenges with sleep at 7 months of age. The researchers initially (5 years prior) had randomized babies and their moms into groups — one group got no advice about sleep while the another group learned about two sleep training methods from nurses at 3 visits:
- Controlled comforting: parents let their baby “cry it out” for longer and longer stretches of time. They still return to the babies for comforting but give their babies a chance to learn to self-soothe for periods of time.
- Camping out: a technique where parents sit or lie with their babies and children until they fall asleep and gradually extract themselves from their children’s sleep space.
In the original study, parents who learned the two techniques found their babies slept better at 10 months of age compared with the parents who didn’t. The mothers who used sleep training had significantly less depression, as well. In the short term, these sleep interventions served both the baby and the mothers.
The researchers then followed up on the infants after they had reached their 6-year birthday. They evaluated the children’s sleep, their levels of stress hormones (cortisol) twice during the day, their mom’s anxiety and depression, and the bonding between children and their moms. What they found should make us all feel pretty good. Didn’t matter if you let your baby cry it out, if you camped out, or if you did none of the above, neither setting seemed to affect mom’s mood, the degree of bonding, or the levels of stress children experienced when they were entering the school years.
The best kind of news of all: maybe we’re all right.
Andre says
Our almost 18 months old has yet to sleep through the night, in fact he hast yet to sleep for more than three or four hours straight without waking up crying. For the last year, my wife has been sleeping in the same bed as him (which we know is part of the “problem”), nursing him every night to sleep and most times also back to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night (usually four to five times a night…).
We are obviously frustrated with the situation but also don´t really know how to tackle it. Cry it out was never an option for him since he could cry for an hour or more straight when he was four or five months old without showing any sign of fatigue; we don´t even want to know how long he would last now (he is a very strong and strong-willed child).
Any recommendations?
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Andre,
Well my recommendations are to take this step by step. Your son has just gotten comfortable with needing an intervention to get to sleep at night and to get back to sleep at night as well. He’s what we sometimes call a “trained night feeder.”
Nothing wrong with him, he’s just always used his mom to seek and get soothing and comfort and help fall off to sleep.
I’d say, sit down together as parents and determine what the ideal sleep situation is (let’s say it’s in his own crib, falling asleep with you but not needing you at night…..or in his crib on his own and falling asleep on his own,etc). Then make a multi-step plan of how you’ll get there.
Then make a plan to gradually reduce the interventions you provide. Help give him chances to learn how to self-soothe when going down for naps and when gong down at night so that when he awakens in the night, he can draw on those same skills.
I don’t think you will cause him harm if you do decided to do “controlled comforting” or even letting him “cry it out” until he falls asleep.
Make a list and then do your very best to stay true to each new stage so as to provide him consistency!
John says
Our 1yr old similarly could cry for an hour+ without tiring. And when i say “cry”, its a screaming bloody murder cry that can scare people. if you can figure out *exactly* what he wants, the screaming will stop.
For a while we didn’t let him cry for very long, because it kept everyone (sometimes including our 4 year old) awake, as it is impossible to sleep through that kind of crying. We did let him go for 45minutes to an hour, and right around that hour mark he would give up and fall asleep.
We’ve tried music, static, light, dark, etc, and nothing really helped. But over the last few months, he’s developed a predictable schedule, where he is tired and ready to go to bed around 7pm. When and if he’s ready to sleep, you don’t have to do much but change him, get him in his pajamas, and put him down, and he goes right to sleep. But if he for some reason isn’t in the mood yet, he’ll scream bloody murder for a long time. The only problem is that his 7pm sleep schedule means that he’s up somewhere 4:30-5 am. we’ve been trying to delay that a little, but with little luck. but at least its quiet from 7pm to 4am!
Melanie says
This articles refers only to mothers… Do the fathers not struggle? Should we just assume fathers have no place in helping to raise a baby?! For crying out loud.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Melanie!
I completely agree. Of course fathers share the load, experience exhaustion. But this study evaluated maternal depression/anxiety and fatigue as well as bonding. So that’s what I mentioned because I was reviewing the data.
With one of my boys, I wasn’t able to breast feed like I’d hoped after a month or so. I pumped milk in the middle of the night but my husband did all the night feeds. YOU CAN IMAGINE his degree of bleary-eye!
Thanks for pointing this issue out–failed to do so in the post.
Kevin W says
I do not mean any disrespect to you Melanie, but as a father I do not need to be defended. I see nothing wrong with this article and value the information contained within it. Not once did I think “oh, this does not apply to me”. In fact, the thought never crossed my mind. There are articles an the Internet that talk more about motherhood and others that talk more about fatherhood. Such diversity is great. Not everything should fall into the same cookie cutter shape.
Cara says
I’m curious what you think about “cry it out” BEFORE 6 months of age. I have always heard that no form of sleep training that involves crying it out shoud occur until a child is 6 months old. Do you agree with that?
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Cara,
Some say never before 4 months, some say never before 6 months.
I think it varies on the baby and the family. But at 4 months of age, infants are learning and acquiring new skills that can be used to help them self-soothe (they “regard their hand” and can use it to soothe, they are better able to move their body and reposition and roll, etc). So at 4 months, I do think it’s appropriate to give it a try for short periods to help allwo a baby to learn some self-soothing. But true, “Cry-it-out” to extinction before 6 months seems severe–especially because many infants still want to eat at night at this age and also with the infant sleep cycle, most babies will do 4-5 hour stretch and then awaken every couple hours until morning. They’ll often feed at one of those awakenings.
Although I certainly know some families who have successfully and happily let their babies cry it out sooner.
Rebecca Michi - Children's Sleep Consultant says
Did the study state if the parents had actually followed the advice given? Did the parents who weren’t given the advice do no sleep training of any kind?
I have not found this information in any reports. It could be that none of the families followed the advice and the families who were not given advice all used cry it out!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Hi Rebecca,
I just sent a family your way this week!
Here’s the study reference (the study done originally—with 12 month outcomes) . Your conclusion (abt all the control families using cry-it-out) is likely very improbable and a bit misleading—would hate to lead parents to improper conclusions.
If you can’t get ahold of it and really want to review the original study, pass along a good email and I’ll send you the PDF.
Hiscock H, Bayer J, Gold L, Hampton A,
Ukoumunne OC, Wake M. Improving infant
sleep and maternal mental health: a cluster randomised trial. Arch Dis Child. 2007;
92(11):952–958
John says
Enjoyed the article as well as the replies, will steer my friends to this site.
Nanna Hansen says
It took our boy 17 months before he slept through the night. We used our own version of the cry out method. It was awful to listen to him crying but we had to try this method as we were unable to get him to sleep more than 3 hours at a time. With both of us working full time we needed to sleep and he needed to sleep too. Now at 21 months he’s a much better sleeper though he will occasionally wake up at night and ask to be held and cuddled.
Good luck to all the sleep deprived parents out there.
Shauna says
I stumbled upon this while frantically googling for a pep talk on why I am currently sitting here listening to my 9 month old twins sob miserably per Night 2 of cry it out. (wish us luck.)
Having multiples really took us off guard sleep-wise, as we are very attachment-oriented parents who had to adjust MANY of our notions about how we would do sleep due to having 2 infants at once, who are very different sleepers. The twins have been in their own cribs next to each other in a nursery for about 4 months now and as they have gotten older their nighttime waking and time it took to fall asleep just increased. We had been rocking and feeding them down all this time, largely because we felt we had to get them to sleep (vs. put down awake) in order that they not wake each other.
This was a great bonding practice and worked really well until the past 6 weeks or so when our bedtime interventions could not keep up with them and we would end up rocking at least one of them for several hours through crying, playing, singing, babbling, etc. to get them to sleep. The frequency and duration of nighttime waking got out of control too. We tried EVERYTHING (seperating them, rocking and then sleeping with them for a while, feeding repeatedly, baths, longer wind down routine, etc) before we landed on CIO, realizing that they reallu just don’t know how to fall asleep on their own. So tonight is night 2 of CIO and I have cried both times (35 minutes of crying at bedtime plus 2 HOURS in the middle of the night) and 40 mins of on and off crying tonight (they crashed while I was writing this).
I am a child therapist with 13 years experience in family work, parent education and support, and attachment- and trauma-informed clinical work, and I have to say that it goes against EVERY instinct I have to let them cry. I would only be doing this if I truly believed they needed it to learn to sleep, and after extensively reading the research and every pro and con resource out there, I really believe this is the best thing I can do, all factors considered. Thank you for reminding us that we are not catastrophically damaging our relationships and our kids neural pathways in the name of good sleep.
Shauna says
Ironically my name is Shauna and I’m sitting during lunch hour crying and reading your post because I have 11 month old twins and a 4 yr old and the twins are still waking very often despite all my best efforts. We too have tried everything and it is also against my nature to let my babies cry but I’m out numbered , exasuted and defeated. Last night was 3 hours of screaming. One of them is relentless and just wants to snuggle. Is perfectly fine ones he is snuggling. But I just can’t any more. Tonight I will try cry it out and my heart will . burst . I too am.scared that I will destroy them by doing this
Robin Lana says
We have an almost 10 month old. He was sleeping 6-7 hours and only waking once at night at around 4 and 5 months. Then he upped it to twice a night around 6 months. I then took him to europe (8 hour time change) to visit his dads parents. After that he has woken twice almost every night except now and then it can be 3 or even 4. I tried cry it out one night, he cried for an hour and I gave up – it just ripped me up. His dad was not at home that night. Also, my husband is even worse than I am about not being able to hear him cry. Given that he’s standing up on his own, he stands and cries the whole time. Will he eventually lie down himself if we leave him to cry it out? We have always put him down “awake” though very drowsy and having just nursed. Our room is next to his, if we drag our mattress to the living room so we can’t hear him, will he be ok? I’ve heard some children cry so much they throw up.
Robin Lana says
also, if you’re letting them cry it out all night, when do you go in to get them up? at a certain time? or if they cry in the early morning, say 5:30, even though its earlier than you want to be up?
Kate says
I’m in a similar situation to a few above. My 11 month old is still up twice in the night to feed. She goes down at 7pm after bedtime routine , quick nurse and able to fall asleep on her own. Then wakes around midnight for a feed and then always an hour later wanting another feed! I’m able to put her in her crib awake and she’ll fall asleep on her own but always wants a feed first. I know the sleep association is set, we want to break this habit. The problem is, we’ve tried the CIO method but she never really cries hard so never seems to tire. She’s not a crier, really pleasant, happy baby. She just calls out, whimpers and so will do this for 2 to 2.5 hours… That is the longest I waited! Finally went in to nurse her and instantly asleep! I think we ‘re going to restart the CIO method and see how long it takes…Thoughts?
Thank you!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Hi Kate,
Such a hard situation. I hear this (or similar) stories quite a bit. The sleep association with nursing and then drifting off to sleep if clearly a strong one. I suspect if she’s wanting to nurse every hour after midnight that she mainly just nurses to pacify, not to feed and eat secondary to hunger. I think you will both be happier if you work to break the association.
One thought: can you replace the association with another one that you think is more ideal? For example, now that she’s almost 1 year of age, consider getting a transitional sleep toy — a small toy that she only gets for sleep and is always there for her. If that’s no good, try to insert a new ritual or routine in the spot where you used to nurse to gradually create a new comfort or association as you take the nursing away.
Gemma Allen says
Hello I am in a situation at the moment with my 10month old son. He has slept through the night since he was 6 weeks old but the last couple of months he has woke 2/3 times a night just screaming. I know there is nothing wrong with him as he is fine before and after so I resorted to giving him a bottle. But now he is doing it every night 9oz bottle at bedtime then wakes up at 10pm and 4am demanding a bottle. His routine has changed a bit with it being the 6 week school holidays. He used to get up at 6:30/7am breakfast then nap at 9/9:30am then lunch at 12pm and another nap at 1:30pm then dinner 3:30/4pm and bottle and bed at 6pm. But since the holidays he gets up at 8:30/9am breakfast nap at 10/10:30am then lunch at 1/1:30pm and a nap at 2:30/3pm then dinner at 4:30/5pm and bottle and bed 6:30/7pm but wakes up at 9:30/10pm for a bottle and then again at 4:00am. Could this change be why he has started waking up so if I go back to original routine he will sleep better. If not what can I do? Please I need help as finding it really hard
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
Any change in routine can certainly change a sleep cycle. An illness, a switch in meal times, new stressor or new person at home. The longer a parent or caregiver continues the bottle in the middle at night with an infant or toddler the more galvanized the habit will become — and the harder it will be to break. So as best you can you should wean from overnight feeds when you can and keep encouraging an overnight awakening to be self-soothed by the baby/toddler themselves.
Regina Pietszak says
Hello- I am wondering at what point is sleep training not a good idea. I have a health 6 month old and have been doing sleep training but he cries for over and hour and is sweating and shaking by the end. Is this still good practice if the infant seems very upset by the process?
Anthony says
My almost – one – year old was fairly good at falling asleep on his own until he was about six months old. My wife is a stay – at – home mom but can’t handle sleep deprivation so I have done all nighttime parenting for the last six months. I work full time and I am exhausted. Our son wakes almost every one to two hours, all night long. We have a seven – year old as well, who sleeps great. We recently tried full extinction cry it out. The crying has lessened dramatically but now I just find my son sitting in his crib in a dazed state after hours of silence. Tonight I found him sitting up, nodding off but then catching himself and waking himself after almost three hours of not crying. The crying only lasted 5 minutes. So he sat there in silence for hours. I lay him down in his crib and he stayed asleep.
Kids Nook says
My son had real problems and these problems affected us grandly. You see he would wake up several times during the night (every hour and a half). We were all sleep deprived, completely depressed and on the brink of insanity. (it’s funny now to think about how my wife and I were exhausted, but it was hell).
Sleep training really helped us as a family with our firstborn son. My wife wrote an article about our experiences called Every child can learn to sleep. Hope it helps someone 😉
p.s.
No problems so far with our second born :))))
Teddi says
Hi
We are blessed our almost 11 month old slept through the night since she was 2 months. All though we recently started having problems with bedtime. She will lay in her crib and cry for a hour or so before actually falling asleep. I am not sure if this is just that she hates bedtime or a phase. I was wondering if anyone has advice on making it easier for her.
Thank you
Tracey says
Hello –
I am mom to 21 month old boy who has yet to sleep through the night. We have tried literally everything, and I fully understand we started him off on the wrong foot as a baby letting him fall asleep nursing or in our arms. He does not sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. For naps at home (he’s in daycare during the week) and at night, he will repeatedly throw his blanket, lovies, nook etc out of his crib and cry and cry until we come to give them back. Cry it out worked for us once – for a week – and then he reverted back to the same patterns. He wakes up consistently at 4 am for the day. I can’t bring myself to let him cry it out for hours and hours, but I know I’m not helping him by letting the patterns continue – especially as he gets older and smarter to figure out ways to get me to come in and comfort him.
I need help. Please. Does anyone have any advice? I’m exhausted…And know I’m part of the problem.
Mary says
Hi,I was just wondering what anyones thoughts were on a few things. One, I’m a first time Grandmother and my daughter,who is 20 and already going through her first divorced and our first grandson is living with us. Of course we defiately have different views on motherhood.I mainly want to know if its ok to let an 18 month old just stay in his crib in the morning while she sleeps in longer until about 9am. She will check on him at first snd make sure he’s changed, and may even give him a bottle,but somtimes for over an hour or so he will lay in his room yelling out (hello,hi, Mommy,and will on and of br crying while doing this. I try not to intervene because I am trying to let her be his Mother,but it tears me up listening to him being lonely in there just crying out. I personally feel that he has slept long enough if hes waking up at 8am and I believe hes hungry. She gets mad and says to mind my own business when I say anythingabout it.She says she has checked on him and he is fine to just be in there by himself that he needs to learn to self soothe. I think shes just being a lazy Mom who just wants to sleep in.I have tried as her Mother to teach her nicely,but sheis the type of person that thinks she (knows everything at age 20) Please help,I dont know whats the right thing yo do. Everything in my gut days its not right,but I was a very protective mother with my children and I could never let them just lay there by themselves knowing in my heart they are probably ready to get up and eat breakfast.
kfad says
Hi Mary, I definitely think your son sounds ready to start the day and is probably hungry for breakfast. However, if you really want to get through to your daughter you need to take a hard look at your approach. There is a lot of judgment in your words, however subtle, about her divorce and implying she isnt as protective as she was. Why is her divorce relevant? Consider that you may be making her feel like a failure. I’m sure she didn’t plan to be married and divorced by 20. Why not go to her lovingly and patiently, apologise for judging and ask her what you could do for HER. Perhaps she’s depressed or anxious and desperately needs that time to herself. Offer to help her find a solution, offer to go in and play with him. If she refuses, respect her, give her a hug and tell her you know how hard it is and you’re there for her. Clashing will only make her dig in her heels. Support will make her rethink.
Tina says
Hello!
I’m a mother of a 2.5 year old and a 1 month old. My first son wasn’t gaining weight properly in the early days so I had to wake him up every couple of hours to nurse. He started gaining weight but continued to wake often to nurse at night; this lasted until he was about 5 or 6 months old, at which point we did the CIO method. Since then he’s been a champion sleeper.
Fortunately, my 1 month old is gaining weight appropriately, but he’s an extremely grumpy newborn (some might say he has “colic” but I don’t like that term.) My mother-in-law, husband, and friend are all pressuring me to let him cry himself to sleep for naps and at night. Up until now, he usually nurses himself to sleep, falls asleep with a pacifier and swaddle, or occasionally on his own without issue, but he spends many days crying so hard that he won’t go to sleep without soothing. I can’t bring myself to let him cry more than a few minutes because he’s such a young child, but they all have more experience with children than I do.
What do you suggest? Should I let him cry?
Gina says
Separation anxiety is a part of a baby’s development and it isn’t brought up here or in the comments for timing of sleep training. It is a natural process to learning that they’re separate from mom, and experts say it starts between 6-10 months.
I just want to share what is working for me in case it empowers anyone reading who might be afraid of going against our cultural norm.
Before giving birth I had read several sleep training books and set out to build healthy sleep habits by creating a routine in the hopes of avoiding CIO and only using it as a last measure…
my baby slept in our room in a bassinet until 2.5 months, then was put in his own room with a consistent routine until about 7 months. He slept through the night, technically, by clocking 5-6 hours before a night feed. I thought I was doing everything right but gradually it increased to two wakings, then three. Before I knew it, I was sleep training him out of exhaustion. Well, for me, it temporarily backfired – I learned that I am not capable of letting my baby cry it out for nights on an end. Though I did give it a solid week I was defeated and felt guilty. Some would say consistency is key but I am not the type of person to ignore or try to rationalize my intuition and instincts because it’s what you’re ‘supposed’ to do. My son was screaming for his life when left to ‘self soothe’,he needed me and sleep training made him cry harder then he ever had. At 7.5 months I switched my thinking and started cosleeping. We all slept better than ever. Now he’s 10 months and sleeps 11hrs with only 1 “night” feeding at 5 am and a wake up time of 7:30 am. I’m not sure what the future holds, but right now I feel like I’m supporting my son and he is a very happy and well adjusted baby. Of course, some people judge us but it’s none of their business and husband and I do what works for our family and feel great about it.
Like the article says, maybe we’re all doing it right. Thank you for a neutral point of view.
Emily says
I have a 13mo old and she was sleeping through the night until june1st and now is night waking like crazy. As I’m writing this it is day 2 of less then 3hrs of sleep for me and we are trying the full extinction CIO because I realized she gets so upset if I go back in there. I don’t know what else to do! We have tried everything!!!!!! She goes to bed fine although I do rock her to sleep in her room but we have always done this with no problems before. It’s just been in the last few months that he sleeping went down the crapper. She was teething at the start of all this but it has seriously become an issue. She is a red head with a stubborn streak a mile long. So she will cry for 3+hrs enough to make me loose my mind. I don’t know if this is working or not or if I need to do something else. Research or asking other people seems pointless they all tell me to co sleep… I get up early for work with alarm clocks that wake her up at 330 and most of my friends are stay at home moms telling me this, not to mention I don’t sleep well with her in the bed.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
So sorry, Emily. Brutal not to be sleeping while parenting while working outside your home! I’m not certain I would recommend co-sleeping right now. Especially if it’s not the long-term sleeping solution you want to have. During toddler years the longer you continue a habit the longer it will take to reverse it. I suspect your daughter is experiencing a bit of separation anxiety when awakening or some changes in her development that prompt bigger awakenings during her normal sleep cycles.
Heres’s more: https://www.wendysueswanson.com/toddler-sleep-4-reasons-toddlers-wake-up-at-night/
Can you make a plan in 3-5 day intervals for sanity? Keep consistent and try to determine if/how you’re making progress? Enlist your partner at home if possible to help you so you can “check-out” a few nights and just get some rest. Make sure you have blocked the light, gotten rid of other environmental factors that may wake her up, etc.
If you don’t think after a week of letting her cry-it-out (CIO) she isn’t showing any new self-soothing skills or any new capacity to get herself back to sleep, perhaps ensure that nothing else is going on with your pediatrician?
Maria McComb says
It took our boy 17 months before he slept through the night. We used our own version of the cry out method. It was awful to listen to him crying but we had to try this method as we were unable to get him to sleep more than 3 hours at a time. With both of us working full time we needed to sleep and he needed to sleep too. Now at 21 months he’s a much better sleeper though he will occasionally wake up at night and ask to be held and cuddled. Good luck to all the sleep deprived parents out there.
Laura says
Here is my experience in case it helps anyone (or gives hope!). My first was not a good sleeper, seemed to need milk or cuddles all night. I tried a few different things (endlessly, very stressed!) and around 4 months we did cry it out but only to get her to sleep to start with. We knew she was full at bedtime and hoped she just needed to sleep. If she woke very quickly we would cry it out again. If she woke more than 3 hours after that I would just feed her. She always ate a lot when she woke up in the night so I figure she was hungry. Between 6 and 12 months she really didn’t want to drink much milk in the day, maybe too distracted. So I guess she wanted it all at night. She ate plenty of food. But when I fed her at night she went straight back to sleep – even if I woke her up completely by brushing her teeth after. Nothing else I tried was very effective and it all took a lot more energy. A lot of less method obsessed mums told me their babies fed at night until about 1 so I decided to give up on shush pat, rocking, drowsy but awake, sitting in the room listening to her cry, white noise etc and just do what she wanted and what got her back to sleep, which was feed. I slept a lot better that way because I wasn’t as anxious about whether my method worked. If I knew she was full (eg if she woke just after a big feed) I would cry it out, which eventually started working very quickly – she would cry for two minutes and fall asleep. (Better than hours of rocking and crying!) At around 13 months she seemed to become a better sleeper all by herself and stopped waking for milk as often. I think at this point I also monkeyed around gradually giving her less milk each time she woke up – we were cutting out formula anyway so we were doing that with the few daytime feeds she had too.
I’m not saying every night was fine – she teethed and had random crying nights just like every other baby. But feeding her at night when she seemed hungry, combined with a cry it out when she couldn’t possibly be hungry, seemed to work for us, didn’t break our baby, caused us less stress and got us more sleep! My second baby is 10 months and was an amazing sleeper but has just started waking for two feeds a night. Aaargh. But if I feed her she goes back to sleep so I can’t complain. I figure it’s a phase and if it hasn’t stopped by 13 months I’ll be stopping formula by then anyway so we’ll work out something new, hopefully similar to the other one, who at nearly 3 is happy and a pretty decent sleeper.
I know all babies are different but just in case anyone’s are like mine, there is hope, they do often grow out of it. Do whatever keeps you sane and don’t worry about the “right thing”. You won’t break them if they cry or feed or are rocked or whatever works for you.
Good luck!! (especially to those whose babies don’t sleep after a feed either. I expect they will be lovely teenagers)
Jarn Marr says
Hello!
I’ve found all this information to be quite helpful in assuring me that my wife and I are doing the right thing in using this “cry it out” method.
We took her to the doctor today after several visits regarding ear infections (which we were told was caused by us feeding her throughout the night) I’m currently sitting in my recliner with the baby monitor in my lap trying my very hardest to stay true to this new method the doctor suggested we try.
I’m not overly certain I can bare it as long as it might take given my extreme attachment to our beautiful first daughter but I’ll try nonetheless.
I’m posting in an attempt to possibly get a further understanding in how this method will work, our doctor said that we were to let her “cry it out” for up to five minutes initially and then comfort her by rubbing her back or patting her butt, no further directions were given other than absolutely no feeding.
We have an established routine of dinner by 19:30 and bath by 20:00 with a baby massage/lavender lotion rub down at 20:30, then we put her in her “night gown” and I rock her to sleep while giving her water and put her to bed (roughly by 21:00).
I suppose the question I’ve been building up with all these details is this; what should we be doing to help sooth her when she does in fact wake up?
I hope this letter, if you will, finds you well and with more sleep than I.
Sincerely,
A too attached, too comforting, worried father.
-Jarn Marr
Charlotte says
We used the cio method on our first at 10 months as he was waking 2-3 times each night. The health visitor said it wouldn’t do him harm. So when he would wake and cry rather than feeding I would say ‘it’s okay, sssh time for bed’ in a loving bit assertive voice and sing a short line of twinkle twinkle little star. I recommend actually timing how long they are crying as in reality it is less time than you think. So it feels like ten minutes but sometimes it’s actually two! I would go out of view and look at the timer on my phone. After two mins I would go back, then after four then after 6 then eight and then ten. It never got to the six minute mark for us. After six days our baby was sleeping through. That week was tough and so hard but it paid off. What helped me was seeing him happy each morning. He was visibly okay and The intervals he was left for were v short. Babies are clever and If we go to them ofcourse they will demand us, who can blame them?! But I personally think it’s okay to train them if they know ultimately you are still present. My tips
Would be, really commit to it for a week to make it less drawn out for you and them if you use this method. Time the intervals as they aren’t as long as you think, and we are naturally wired to go to our babies cries but they do need to sleep well for their development too. My 4 yr hold is a perfectly happy little boy and has slept through apart from the occasional bad dream since he was 10 months.
Dominique Canavati says
Our 23 month old, has been sleeping in his toddler bed since he turned 1. However, he still awakes 1-2 sometimes 3 times a night for milk bottle, he will take the bottle finish it and go straight back to sleep, but I want him to sleep through the night, is the bottle the problem? (Probably) Also he fights bedtime, although his routine is the same, bath, reading, calm activities hour prior, no tv before bed, all that good stuff. His bedtime ranges from 8:30PM to as late as 11PM, I want consistency because he gets consistency so should be returned logically but cant seem to sleep on same schedule nor keep schedule or not fight.I stay in the room next to his bed not with him in it, until he falls asleep then leave. I also leave classical or baby lullabies running through the night is that good or bad? Anyone can relate? Advice welcomed… 🙂