So we don’t have our nanny today. This was intentional, a way to carve out some time with my boys. Our nanny hasn’t had a week day off in months and months. All well and good except I needed to finish a blog post and a letter I’m writing for an advocacy effort. F is at school. O went to music this morning with Grandma. And nap time (now) was supposed to be used for writing. Oh how I expect the plans to work….I am working on finishing a blog post on traditions, and the one I keep promising on booster seats.
But O isn’t napping today. I think it’s the first day in the history of time that he has skipped his nap. He has a crummy cold, he’s markedly congested, and has a barky cough. He is mouth breathing because he has so much snot in his nose. Subsequently, he keeps awkening and then screams and cries. I’m back up in my office just now after my third attempt to rock him back to sleep. But I’m faltering. I know, I mean I know, that if I gave him that pacifier back, he’d konk out and sleep. Despite the effort to keep him as comfortable as possible: 1/2 tsp of honey before nap (to dimish cough), the humidifier running (dimish cough/humidify his nasal airway), and his comfy jammies for nap, I am missing something. In the puzzle of life, I know that pacifier would fit perfectly.
Of course, it’s the small picture solution and a wreck for the big picture (successfully weaned pacifier). Doing my best to take my own advice. But it got me wondering, have any of you gone back on your pacifier plan and given it back to your child in a moment of “weakness” for care or comfort? What happened? Am I right when I say it will be harder to wean the next time? Share.
I need some support before I go rummaging through the shelves/garbage/pockets in search of that pacifier…
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Viki says
My kids didn’t take pacifiers so my perspective on weaning is… when they are weaned, they are DONE. They forget how to suck and you simply can’t go back. Tell yourself that he can’t remember how to take a pacifier anymore. It’s just not a possibility. This is a new phase in his toddlerhood where he has to learn to cope in different ways, so do you. Part of that is some perspective: my daughter gave up naps completely when she was a few months older than O. Not because she was sick, but because she was aware of the world and could will herself awake despite fatigue. Imagine that O isn’t sick but that he’s refusing to nap today. What would you do then? Trying rocking him a 4th time? Skip the nap and go to the park? Let him use the time as he wishes, but in his room?
Jenny says
I totally get your dilemna–you want to comfort your child but you also want to stay true to what you had previously decided. Also, as a medical professional, you want to do what you would recommend for your own patients. But when it come down to it, you need to do what you feel best for your child. I don’t think that giving your child his pacifier back will have lasting consequences. He won’t go to college with a pacifier and it will probably help him alot while he is sick and trying to sleep. As far as my perspective goes, there isn’t a “right” answer. You just have to go with your gut and continuing trying to be the best mom you can be.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks. I didn’t give into the pacifier, but O didn’t nap any longer, either. I am kind of with you, Jenny, I don’t know if it would have had lasting consequences. But I did realize that giving it to him would just make things harder for him….nose full of snot and pacifier in mouth —not the best combo for sleep. And after the 4th rock in the chair, it was clear there was no more nap left in him.
JG says
For what it’s worth, we actually used a cold as a tool to wean our son from his pacifier at 7 months. Like you said in your comment, a nose full of snot, mouth breathing, and a pacifier don’t really go well together so we muddled through the awful week of his cold (which would have been probably close to as awful with or without a pacifier) and never looked back. I think weaning of the pacifier is a lot like setting up your child to self comfort to sleep. It is easier at a younger age and gets more difficult when they can impose their opinions at an older age. The reality is that you know your child best and need to do what is best for them but I definitely believe in keeping the big picture more heavily weighted than the short term solution for pacifiers, food, sleep, behavior, just about everything where family is involved . . .
MB says
After 12 very hard days for my 2 year old I decided to give her paci back. I feel that I made the best decision for my daughter. For 12 days she did not nap, she screamed and cried for 60 plus minutes before passing out from shear exhaustion at bedtime. Things were not getting better for her and she was not making any forward progress. I strongly feel that going to sleep calm and comforted is important. And after seeing her miserable and anxious for 12 days, I decided my decision to get rid of the paci was premature. We will try again when she gives me a sign she is ready. I do not feel like I failed at the big picture of being paci free. We will get there.
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
MB–that all sounds good to me. Glad you feel like you’re in a better spot.
Chayah L says
Just stumbled across this eight days into weaning a 21 m.o. from paci. I actually never expected it to be so awful and traumatic for her, and finally gave in just now because she was obviously not ready, and I have bigger fish to fry. My DD is super adaptable and generally gets with the program within a few days, so the fact that she didn’t showed me that this was not an appropriate move. I am glad I gave it as long as I did, and glad I changed course.