I was reminded one week ago why the pony doesn’t win. When I was finished with bedtime stories, I sat on the edge of F’s bed. He’s nearly 4 1/2 years old now (he’s counting the days), full of ideas but also still busting with thoughtfulness. We’d had a day out of a story book. Really. It started with an Easter party (with chocolate!) at a neighbor’s home, an Easter egg hunt at our local park, a spotting of the Easter Bunny, a balloon artist, and A PONY RIDE. A pony ride! By the end of the day, the sun was out and I was full, satiated, calm, and feeling very connected to my boys. The husband was on call, so I had the boys primarily to myself for the majority of the day. As we readied for a night of sleep,we snuggled in. Mindful of the day and noting the space, I finished reading the book and asked him a question. I wouldn’t have thought to tell you the next part, but you’ll need to know more to understand his answer.
After the hoopla of the morning, my mom came over. The clouds opened and the sun joined us. When F didn’t take a nap, I invited him outside to help my mom and me dig holes, haul dirt, and put new plants in the ground. The sun was warm and evident, the dirt wasn’t wet. The hand trowel, just F’s size. He helped us prepare the new plants, move small rocks out of the way, and put peat and soft fluffy soil around the newly potted plants. He was an integral part of our landscaping team. We were thankful. His enthusiasm ushered me through the hours of yard work (not usually my favorite task).
“What was you favorite part of the day?” I asked just before I left the room and turned out the light.
A beat went by. It was as if he was going through the Rolodex of the day.
“Gardening,” he said matter-of-factly.
See? Life is really about who you’re with and how you fit in amidst your people. It’s this connection, this sense of contribution, this sense of completion that can keep us going. Part of why it’s often just so nice to help. Even a pony doesn’t overpower how good it can be to feel included and useful. See? The pony doesn’t always win.
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Gioia says
I love this post and the thoughts behind it. I’m excited to create similar opportunities for my daughter (just 10 days old now) to feel this way in the future… Thanks for sharing such a cute moment…
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Gioia~
Congratulations! Wonderful news!! May you enjoy this precious transition and time together.
Christine says
It’s also about digging in the dirt! Though we often consider our landscaping duties as “chores”, from a child’s perspective, it easy to just appreciate the beauty of it all. There is something very therapuetic about working with out hands in the soil and immersing ourselves in nature. It’s so nice that your son really connected with that and it’s something many kids don’t get the opportunity to do. Sounds like it was a great memory for the two of you.
Bryan Vartabedian says
Lovely, Wendy. I’ve observed this over and over. Kids are so much smarter than we are. It’s the small stuff.
You’re capcha’s are gettin’ crazy btw.
Bryan Vartabedian says
And beautifully done in under 500 words ; ) …….
Susannah Fox says
Thanks for articulating what has been in my head for the last week! My younger son & I have been playing a card game every night after dinner — by candlelight, at his request (and now insistence). It’s such a simple, lovely moment for us, better to him (and certainly to me) than any TV show or video game. The magic of a candle and a deck of cards!
Katie says
I love it! My favorite part about motherhood is experiencing life through the eyes of my children and finding the great joy in the simplest things.
Carolyn Thomas says
Out of the mouths of babes…. If only we knew what goes on in those little minds of theirs at this age. I have a \pretend\ grandchild of 4 1/2 too. (I had to \adopt\ her as a newborn because my two grown kidlets are not fast enough in producing grandbabies for me!)
I’ve had Aisha every Friday morning since she was born, from her early stroller rides as an infant while her Mum napped, to our current favourite pasttime together: going to church rummage sales! The highlight of each Friday visit is a stop at a coffee shop (\Big girls like coffee!\) and – best of all! – our uninterrupted talks. Last week, she chattered on about robbers who take things that don’t belong to them, and how the police catch them and make them stay in jail until they \learn their lesson\ and promise to
ever do that again!\ I marvel each Friday morning at how thoughtful and wise – and utterly innocent – she is as she makes sense of her world. Just the thought that there might be \bad\ people like robbers out there who want to hurt others is a revelation to her right now.
I wish it were all about ponies and gardening instead!! Enjoy these precious moments!!
Cheers,
C.
kelly says
Mama Doc-
I love this story. It is so amazing how sharing moments with our kids can be so inspiring… and they are always a couple of steps ahead of us.
These days, I can’t seem to keep up with my 2 year old’s thoughts. But for the last last 48 hours (I have been single momming)- I have been trying to just.be.present. We are in the midst of serious sleep training, and every night before the routine starts, we talk about how he will stay in bed all night, but I will be right next door. And tonight, as we were finishing with the last story, he looked at me and said “Mama, I be right next door.”
Vera says
This is such a lovely post. Kids are so good at helping us keep it simple, keeping priorities in check.
Isabelle says
Always lovely to hear these moments! I don’t remember the details but in that huge coverage of longevity in National Geographic, wasn’t a sense of feeling useful and having a role one of the major factors of longevity in some cultures?!
Also a reminder that doing things with our hands, actually doing things like gardening or tinkering or cooking, being able to feel our physical world, can be immensely gratifying not just as a child but throughout life. My father is a junior high shop teacher and he was so pleased when that book “Shop Class as Soulcraft” came out, because of the author’s reminders and observations on working with one’s hands/making/fixing things and the deeper gratification that it can provide, the sense of connection.
Ironically, my kid absolutely pathologically hated getting his hands dirty so it’s been a long slow road to get him involved in this arena!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Isabelle,
Yes, I bet feeling useful is helpful with a long life. I would love to read the National Geographic on this. If you find a link, please post it here! Some of my best days on planet earth are days where I feel like I’ve really been helpful. Thanks for this lovely comment!
Lucy says
I love this post!! Thank you!!
Teresa says
So, as I was driving in to work tonight I was listening to talk radio and the subject was on the subject of gratification. A scientific study has been done (by whom or where I was not privy) where brain activity was monitored when people where shown pictures things to aspire for such as exotic sports cars, nice homes, boats, etc… the monitors had shown that their brains lit-up with a flutter of activity. Then the same people were asked to perform a SELFLESS task such as grading 6th grade math assignments, and in the middle of the task they showed the afforementioned pictures of cars, boats, and houses again and once again monitored their brain activity. Interestingly enough, when the pictures of the boats and cars were shown the second time, the brain was not as stimulated with activity. The point of the test was to show that when people selflessly volunteer to provide a service to others, the superficial things of life become dampened and automatically less important all the way down to one’s neural core. Your post and your son’s choice of answer just solidified the whole point of the scientific study! BRAVO to F and to mama doc! So even science can prove the pony or the big house or the boat cannot win over serving people, even if it’s something as simple as helping mom and grandma in the garden!