O lost his front tooth this weekend. This was not one of those tooth fairy glory moments. No wiggling the tooth in the bathroom. No anticipation. No stuffing of dollar bills under the pillow. O is 23 months old, so losing a tooth right now is not only precocious, it’s 5 years premature.
Every time I think of it, I get a pit in my stomach. Maybe it’s my memory of the scream (mid-tooth-flying) or the fact that I was planning on calling the dentist this week for an opinion on how to preserve the tooth. O had fallen a number of times (while learning to walk on planet earth), rendering his front tooth dangerously loose. Sunday night the tooth got caught on a T-shirt as it was being pulled over his head. You can imagine the rest of the story.
Feels like a #mommyfail on some level. I should of made that call.
I was upstairs getting ready for a dinner to celebrate my father-in-law’s 75th birthday when it happened. Last time we tried to celebrate a birthday (mine) with my in-laws, O broke his leg. Doing my best not to read into this.
When the tooth fell out, we didn’t go to the ER. Dentists don’t put primary (baby) teeth back in when they fall out traumatically. And although dentists recommend you bring your child in for follow up after this sort of thing, if there is no other injury to the mouth or gums, there is no need to head to the ER.
Heart in my hand and the tooth on the counter, we celebrated my FIL’s birthday out for dinner. But I remained distracted throughout the night. My boy’s smile altered for 1/2 of a decade and that audiofile of the scream playing and re-playing in my head. Although O doesn’t show any signs of missing that tooth, I do.
There is nothing comparable to the heart-pull-tug-shread we feel when our babies get hurt. We are connected in inseparable ways. And pain travels faster than anything I know.
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HereWeGoAJen says
I’m sorry. That must have been tough. But it isn’t your fault.
Now you’ll have to read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing to him.
Alice says
Ah, those joys of blaming ourselves for everything. When my kids were young I did a lot of traveling to deliver talks and attend meetings. We had a joke around my house that my kids would only get hurt/sick or end up in the ED if I was away. Sure enough, we had a broken arm when I was in San Francisco, all three had chickenpox while I was a visiting professor in Santiago, Chile, we had severe dehydration that needed IV rehydration when I was in Atlanta, and most recently (albeit a few years ago) when all the kids were grown, my husband ended up being driven to the ED by our middle daughter when I was in Wyoming. Its enough to really give a girl a complex, So don’t feel too bad. We can’t be everywhere at all times and we can’t always do everything that needs to be done. Besides, the dentist would probably not have done anything even if you did bring O in last week…
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Well Alice, that was really exceptional. And touching. I was just saying today that all the injuries seem to happen when I’m not right with them and make me feel terribly about my commitments outside of mothering. I want to do the work to help other children, but never (of course) want to put my own children at risk.
Your story helps me deep down. Thank you…
Ahna says
This may sound familiar to you (since we sent you the X-rays!). When my daughter, Ainsley, was 2 1/2 months old, we drove down to Oregon for a friend’s wedding. She had this adorable silky dress on. During the ceremony, she was crying so I took her out of her carseat to calm her down. I realized she had a wet diaper, so I laid her in the car seat (that was sitting locked onto the stroller) and headed to the car to change her. When we got to the car, I picked up the car seat to put it in the base in the car, totally forgetting that she wasn’t buckled in. Needless to say, that adorable silky dress helped her fall right out. Next thing I know my precious 2 month old is on the ground crying hysterically with bits of gravel on her head and a ostrich egg sized bump growing. I grabbed my husband and we took off for the ER. She had a mild concussion, but would be fine. There’s nothing so awful as to see your child in pain and hurt. I think I cried more in the hospital than she did! By the time we left the next day, the bump was gone and it was like nothing had happened. But I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget Ainsley’s scream after she fell, just like you replay O’s scream. But she’s a healthy and happy kid, which is the most important thing in the world to me. (And I now make sure my kids’ car seats are buckled when ever they’re in them!)
The mommy-guilts are the worst! I had SO many moms tell me their kid horror stories after the incident! O’s tooth was not a mommyfail. Accidents happen. To everyone. Of course I’ll need you to remind me of that the next time I see you after Ainlsey or Landon have an accident!
Evies mun says
My 15 month old dd just lost her front tooth at nursery today. Fell on a climbing frame, unable to locate tooth presumed swallowed. I totally agree with your sentiments, happened while I was 30 minute drive away at work, my work phone line wasn’t available so delayed them getting in touch. The guilt and worry was immense as I ran out of the building still pulling my coat on!!
She will now have a gap there for 6 or 7 years which she can cope with, it’s us ridiculous adults who are struggling to come to terms with it. That and trying to understand how she could have been in so much pain and still smiling and kissing us when we got there. My husband and I would have happily done anything to make it all better for her.
But then u get to thinking, it’s only a tooth, a baby one at that. For all parents of children with serious illness or disability my heart and all my admiration goes to you. To stay strong when you know your child is hurting is the hardest yet the most natural response in the world. Thank everything it was only a tooth and I pray we always stay this lucky!
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD says
Thanks. However benign it really is, the minus one is a toughie.