I’ve watched
the viral #Iwishmyteacherknew campaign with earnest intrigue. If you haven’t read about it or followed along this past week, know that the campaign started when Denver 3rd-grade teacher, Kyle Schwartz, honed listening and asked students directly what they wished she knew about them. They wrote out responses and she started to post them on social media with the above hashtag when she realized the goldmine she’d discovered. In my mind this has captured the nation’s attention because of the empathy we feel reading about perceived (and real) short-comings in children’s lives and because the raw power that third-grade words provide in understanding inequities for US children. As a previous inner-city middle and junior high school teacher I think this teacher’s tactic and insight-seeking is profound. Reminds me so much of Momastery’s post last year about a teacher who finished each week in the classroom asking children to write down who they’d like to sit next to in school. She asked not to stir up the seating chart, but to determine immediately which children were being left out. She honed listening to facilitate and build connection for children who may be silently struggling.
I’ve been snagged a number of times this past week thinking about the #Iwishmyteacherknew, thinking on asking my own children the same question. What do they wish I knew? Would they journal something they wouldn’t say? Would invited words, written out in silence on paper, protect our children from the inevitable judgment/worry/concern/disorganization they may feel in answering a question like this in real-time when something dear is at stake? Something as dear as the bond they feel?
I surveyed a couple of parents and friends in the last few days if I should do it and if they would ask their own children. Most parents I discussed it with had a similar feeling to my own. Immediately our faces wince. We cringe when we think of it, unsure we’re ready to face the reality of where our children may feel we’ve fallen short in listening or unsure we’re steady enough to not just tolerate what we hear but also change things in life to improve the circumstances.
Would you do it? You ready to ask your school-age children or even your teen what they wish you knew about them and allow them time and space and paper to write it down?
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Joanne C says
I have been thinking about this too. My daughter is a little bit young for it (Kindergarten), but I may give it a try anyway. It might actually be to my benefit because she’s not strategically filtering much from us just yet. 🙂
Wendy Sue Swanson, MD, MBE says
I bet. One of our boys filters, one does not. If you do it, would love your thoughts on how it went with your Kindergartner!
Lori says
I think this is a great idea, but I always appreciate feedback, even when it’s hard to hear.
Even if I get upset and reject it at first I spend time with it and digest it. At the very least I get insight into the person who gave the feedback.
It’s scary to solicit it from your own kid, but think about what you could learn! The opportunity for connection that could be made from knowing seems worth the pain. My 4yr old is likely too young, but I’ll file this away for the future.
Heather says
I so love this idea, and the listening it encourages!
Along these same lines, I think you would really enjoy watching “The Before Project” @ http://www.thebeforeproject.org. It’s “a documentary short that explores that penultimate ‘tween year through the lens of one 5th grade class on the last day of elementary school.” It’s kind of like #Iwishmyteacherknew #Iwishmyparentsknew and #Iwishmypeersknew all in one!
Nadine Bolliger says
This is a fantastic idea, and a great reminder to keep in touch with our children about the deeper, harder stuff. When my two children were in grade school, I followed a friend’s suggestion and gave them each a blank notebook, with the invitation to use it to communicate with me about things that they found hard to talk about face-to-face. The delivery system was part of the fun, as well as part of the privacy: they would put the notebook under my pillow, so I would find it after they were already in bed. I would then respond in the notebook and slip it back under their pillows, for them to find. This method served as a safe container for communication about some of the harder issues, and gave me some insight about what was on their minds. I am looking forward to exploring the “What I Wish You Knew” idea, next! Thanks for this article!